If Season Three Of ‘True Detective’ Were An Episode Of ‘Law & Order’

Editor-at-Large
02.13.19 3 Comments

NBC

A couple is walking through Central Park. They appear to be on a first date. The man is wearing a leather jacket.

MAN: … and the whole bowl of soup spilled right on my sweater.

WOMAN: What did you do?

MAN: I looked at that waiter and said “Hey, at least I’m not a Mets fan.”

WOMAN: Haha, a classic New York story.

MAN: The Big Apple, baby.

WOMAN: Hold on. What’s … what’s that? Over there. It looks like…

MAN: Is that…?

The camera tilts down to reveal the body of Will Purcell, hidden among some leaves and staged in a religious-inspired prayer pose

WOMAN: [screams]

**********

NBC

Detectives Lennie Briscoe and Ed Green arrive at the scene. Both are drinking coffee out of the small blue cups you get from hot dog carts. Neither seems all that impressed with any of this.

MEDICAL EXAMINER: Vic is Will Purcell. Young kid, maybe 8 or 10. Looks like blunt force trauma to the head.

GREEN: Did I hear something about a sister earlier?

MEDICAL EXAMINER: Yeah, the father said the boy and his sister, Julie, were riding their bikes, maybe going to a friend’s house. Girl is still MIA.

BRISCOE: There a Mrs. Purcell?

GREEN: Yeah, cops on the scene say she showed up drunk and belligerent after a night on the town.

BRISCOE: Oof, been there.

GREEN: We know why the girl went free and the boy ended up like this?

MEDICAL EXAMINER: Nothing yet.

BRISCOE: [looking at Will] Shoulda pedaled faster, kid.

**********

HBO

Briscoe and Green follow a few leads and interview various bartenders and longshoremen before being pointed in the direction of Cousin Dan. They meet him at a nearby diner.

GREEN: [shows picture of Will and Julie] You recognize these two kids, Dan?

DAN: Maybe.

BRISCOE: Yeah, and maybe you end up with a broken nose in a few minutes.

DAN: Okay, fine. They’re my cousin’s kids. Haven’t seen them in years. Why? Did something happen?

GREEN: Yeah, Dan. Something happened.

BRISCOE: The boy is dead. Girl is missing. And some people we talked to think you might have some information about it all.

DAN: What’s is worth to you?

GREEN: What’s that supposed to mean?

DAN: I’ll tell you what I know… but only if you give me $7000.

BRISCOE: Excuse me?

DAN: You get me $7000 and then we can talk.

BRISCOE: $7000 just to talk? Who are you, my divorce attorney?

GREEN: How bout you talk for free and we won’t haul you in on obstruction?

DAN: Okay, here’s all I know…

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