'The Simpsons,' 'Spongebob,' And 'Teletubbies' Will Turn You Into A Criminal AND Pervert, Says Ukraine

Oh, good for Ukraine, finally getting the 1990s. Here I was thinking they were still in the mid-1980s. But after the country’s National Expert Commission for Protecting Public Morality released a report condemning The Simpsons, Teletubbies, SpongeBob SquarePants, Family Guy, and other “projects aimed at the destruction of the family, and the promotion of drugs and other vices,” they’re clearly in 1999. Watch out for Y2K!

Haha, but seriously: what the hell, Ukraine?

According to the Daily Mail:

Morality police in the Ukraine are trying to get Nickelodeon cartoon SpongeBob Squarepants banned because of its perceived ‘promotion of homosexuality’.

The Ukraine’s National Expert Commission for Protecting Public Morality released the report, calling the children’s cartoon a “real threat to children.” (Via)

The report says that Teletubbies sends children into a trance and creates “an imbecile who will sit near the screen with an open mouth and swallow any information.”

It also criticises the fact that one of the stars of the BBC children’s show, Tinky Winky, carries what looks like a woman’s handbag, saying: “in real life, boys very rarely want to put on girls’ clothes.” (Via)

“Open mouth and swallow”? Pretty suggestive phrasing there, Ukraine. Adds Yahoo!:

Psychologist Irina Medvédeva is quoted in the study, alleging that children aged 3 to 5 years old, “pull faces and make jokes in front of adults they don’t know, laugh out loud and repeat nonsense phrases in a brazen manner,” after viewing the shows. (Via)

Some of the accusations leveled against the programming in the study:

SpongeBob Squarepants: “gay”
Shrek: “containing sadism”
South Park: “reincarnation propaganda”
Japanese Anime: “A clear example of sexist propaganda”

The study concluded that the programming represents “a large-scale experiment on Ukrainian children” to “create criminals and perverts.” (Via)

That whole country’s gonna riot when True Blood happens. But that’s 34 years from now. Until then, let’s dance:

Nope, nothing gay there.

(Via) (Via)