Paul Scheer Once Had A Transformative Experience At A Dolly Parton Concert, Loves ‘Family Feud’

UPROXX pal Paul Scheer is an actor probably best known for playing Andre on The League and his past work on MTV’s Human Giant. Additionally, Paul plays Trent Hauser on Adult Swim’s NTSF:SD:SUVwhich returns for its third season tonight, and can be seen in Tom Lennon and Ben Garant’s Hell Baby, which will be in theaters in a few weeks but is available for purchase and/or rental starting today via iTunes and Amazon.

Further, the Arscheerio Paul Show — a YouTube series in which Paul recreates classic Arsenio Hall Show moments — returns on the 29th of this month and issue four of Aliens vs Parker (Paul’s comic book series) will be on comic stands the first week of August. Paul is also a big fan of Breaking Bad GIFs.

Paul was nice enough to take a few minutes out of his busy schedule recently to answer a few of our questions.

1. You walk into a bar. What do your order from the bartender?

I say, “I want you to give me 12-year scotch, and don’t try to fool me, because I can tell the difference.” The bartender is skeptical and decides to try to trick me with five-year scotch. So I take a sip, scowl and say, “Bartender, this crap is five-year scotch. I told you I want 12-year scotch.” The bartender tries once more with eight-year scotch. I take a sip, grimace and say, “Bartender, I don’t want eight-year scotch. Give me 12-year scotch!” Impressed, the bartender gets the 12-year scotch. I take a sip and sigh, “Ah, now that’s the real thing.” Now a drunk has been watching this with great interest. He stumbles over, sets a glass down in front of me, and says, “Hey, try this one.” I take a sip and immediately spit it out, “Yechhh! This stuff tastes like piss!” I say. The drunk says, “Yeah. Now how old am I?”

So now I don’t go to bars.

2. Who’s your favorite person to follow on Twitter?

@JoeMande because he follows all the best/worst people on twitter and retweets all the horribleness. He’s the miner and we get all the choice gold nuggets….Is it too early in the interview to start using gold mining metaphors?

3. What’s currently waiting for you on your DVR/TiVO?

Family Feud – If you aren’t watching the Steve Harvey version of this, you are missing one of the funniest shows on TV (not ironically, it’s really funny).

Baggage – It’s bizzaro dating game with Jerry Springer helping people unload their emotional baggage before the 1st date…That description doesn’t do it justice. Just watch.

Scare Tactics – Tracy Morgan’s Horror Movie Themed Punk’d – Why are you still reading? Those adjectives should convinced you it’s the best show EVER

And Nathan for You – It’s just great. One of my favorite shows this year.

**NOTE: This interview was conducted Mid Summer in when every great TV show is off the air – normally I’m much more classy with my picks.

4. It’s your last meal — what are you going out with?

The Most Dangerous Meal…Human! Look I’ve never done it. Let’s go out trying something new.

5. What websites do you visit on a regular basis?

This is a very small sampling…

/Film, First Showing & Hitfix – The Best Film Sites

WireCutter – Consumer Reports for the Under 40 crowd

Splitsider – One of the best (if not THE best) comedy sites

Stitch Kingdom – for all the latest Disney Gossip – A Perfect Strangers Videogame Site

And I always hit up Ask Jeeves for my internet search options

6. What’s the most frequently played song on your iPod?

Sadly it’s probably a song that I Hate Listen to that now I love — currently Selena Gomez’s “Come and Get it” has played more often then I’d like to admit. Ugh I hate myself for admitting that. But besides that Daft Punk, Haim, Meg Meyers, Loney Island, Kanye, Jay Z, A$ap Rocky, Action Bronson, The Lumineers and Nova Rockafeller.

7. The first face that comes to mind when you think “punchable”?

The Hawaiian Punch guy. Seems like that Bastard needs a dose of his own medicine.

8. What’s your favorite meme?

It’s a tie between Condescending Willy Wonka and Evil Bert. It’s like a evil Muppet Zelig – Which is exactly what America needs

9. Dogs or cats?

Dogs but only because I can’t afford a cat’s lasagna eating habits ad hatred of Mondays.

10. Best concert of your life was…?

TIE : Andrew WK (I GET WET TOUR) and DOLLY PARTON (TOUR UNKNOWN). AWK because I got clotheslined by a bouncer when I tried to get on stage with the rest of the crowd, I was bruised for a week and Dolly showed me that there is no such thing as phoning it in. She killed it and I didn’t even like Bluegrass.

11. What book are you most likely to give as a gift?

Anything by Tucker Max obvs but if Urban Outfitters is sold out of that, then there is one book that I feel everyone must read, it’s called HOLY HEADSHOT, it’s a compilation of the weirdest headshots and resumes that someone found in NYC. It’s a page turner.

13. South Park or Family Guy?


14. You have an entire day to do whatever you want. What would you do?

First of all, I’d bring my wife because she’s the best. Then I’d make her go to some sort of walk thru Haunted House, but a really good one like Universal’s Halloween Horror Nights (Look it up). Then if we aren’t arrested (my wife likes to reflexively punch the people jumping out and scaring her) we’d go to some place where Rollercoasters are (ideally Disney meets SixFlags). A few games of Pop a Shot (Arcade Basketball) and then something fun like surfing (not in shark infested waters) and a maybe a night time outdoor concert or Bank Robbery.

15. What movie can you not resist watching if it’s on?


16. Android or iPhone?

I still rock a Sidekick!

17. Where did you eat the best meal of your life?

Life? Lets say the last 6 months. Florence…Italy…Yeah. I f*cking Travel Y’all. It was a place called Aqua al Due, and it was just like army of deliciousness that defeated my mouth at the battle of Dinner.

Oh wait….There was a a place in ATL that I ate at called Fox Brother’s BBQ and they made a BBQ Brisket Cheeseburger Sandwich which to this day is the only meal I needed to photograph because it was SO damn good. Like I couldn’t think straight for 2 hours because everything I had there blew my mind. I was by myself and I said out loud, “Wow! This is pretty damn good” I look at that picture often.

18. The last movie you saw in a theater?

THE HEAT – It’s my favorite Buddy Cop Movie that doesn’t have Joe Pesci in it.

19. Who was your first celebrity crush?

Punky Brewster. I used to figure out ways I could meet and marry her. Even at a young age, I wasn’t about one night stands with my celeb crushes.

20. What would you cook if Nic Cage was coming to your house for dinner?

I’d just put a Medieval Mace on the table and say, Let’s go hunting.

Follow Paul on Twitter here.

(Previously: Tiffani Thiessen)