This is long overdue. Every week on AMC’s The Walking Dead Presented by Hyundai, someone does something dumb, which inevitably results in someone’s else death. It’s a tragic consequence of living under the guidance of Rick Grimes, a man who routinely gets man’d up by his teenage son in an over-sized cowboy hat. (I bet before the whole zombie apocalypse thing happened, the Grimes would entertain their guests with a ventriloquist act, with Carl as the dummy. “No, Dad, you’re the dummy,” Dummy Carl would say, not knowing how right he was.) Anyway, the prison gang needs to be held accountable for their actions, so for the rest of the season, I’ll be handling The Walking Dead Bad Decision Power Rankings, in which I’ll rank the terrible life choices made by Rick & Co. each episode. Is it mostly an excuse to yell about the Governor? Probably. But you say that like it’s a bad thing.
Unfortunately, for the most part, people acted reasonably intelligent in “Internment,” which yay from a storytelling and quality standpoint, but boo for the purposes of this feature. Dumb decisions were still made, though.
#5. Maggie and Glenn
I’m not a doctor, but if I was, I’m fairly certain I’d tell my patients to not kiss a guy who was THISCLOSE to becoming a flu zombie and still has snot and blood and bloody snot all over his face. But again, not a doctor.
#4. Everyone
I’m also not a gun doctor, but even us non-gun doctors know that Georgia is very humid and that humidity does not bode well for guns, especially guns that are left outside in a box, free to be destroyed by the elements. I know it looks cool to pick up a semi-automatic the way marathoners do cups of water, but that gun is useless.
#3. The Governor
“Oh, hey, guys. Don’t mind me, the Governor, your human enemy, over here, in plain sight. Or should I say plain half-sight? Haha, remember when one of your own took out my eye, and now I want to murder her. And well, all of you, too. But you don’t know it’s coming, and you’ll certainly never see me here, standing on the side of the road, with nothing to shield me, should Rick and Carl stopping eating beans or whatever in the garden. Evil laugh.”
#2. The Walking Dead Producers
Bloody tears? Reminding me of True Blood is DEFINITELY a bad decision.
#1. Rick
That fence is going to be the death of us all. Literally for the characters on the show; figuratively for us at home. Where to begin? The prison crew has been fortifying it for days, months, weeks now, but it breaks and bends pretty easily. We now know that the Governor has been leading the zombie hordes to the prison, or at least we can assume as much (ROWWWWWWLLLLLLEEEESSSS), which is why there’s such a huge stockpile of them pushing against the wire, but it seems like the non-zombies (nonbies?) could have done a better job stabbing them in the eye to reduce their ranks. Instead, we get a zombie moshpit, with Rick and Carl in the middle, and they waste hundreds of bullets mowing down the undead, like they’re Scarface and everyone else is whoever Scarface kills. An easily preventable situation, says the guy who isn’t fighting off zombies and resisting the urge to ask Beth “what’s your name again?” every day. Also, um, isn’t there a big ass hole in the fence now? “On next week’s AMC’s The Walking Dead Presented by Hyundai, there’s a big ass hole in the fence.”
