Weekend Preview: 'Mad Men' Is Back to Make Us Feel Cooler Than We Actually Are

Mad Men (AMC; Sunday, 9 p.m.) – Season premiere. Is anyone hosting or attending a “Mad Men” party? I’m going to one, but not particularly looking forward to it. I like to look at Joan and pretend I’m as suave as Don in private, thankyouverymuch.

Fringe (Fox; Friday, 9 p.m.) – I hate doing the Weekend Preview because I always feel guilty about not watching “Fringe.” Some day I will, right after I get to “Oz” and “All in the Family” and that other show I’ll never actually get to.

Primetime: What Would You Do? (ABC; Friday, 9 p.m.) – I don’t know what this is, but the episode description reads, “A woman at a salon’s hair looks terrible; a sales clerk refuses to sell a wedding dress to a lesbian; a person drops money in front of a bank; teens ask liquor store customers to buy them booze.” In order, I’d: laugh, punch, take, and how many bottles of rum do you want?

Spartacus: Vengeance (Starz; Friday, 10 p.m.) – I do like me some vengeance, but I LOVE retribution. Don’t get me started on payback, though. That’s for pussies.

Everything on Saturday (All Channels; Saturday, All times) – The entirety of primetime programming on Saturday can be summed up as, “This is a thing that is on.” Tonight’s “new” thing that is on is “The Firm,” which is, yes, a thing that’s still on.

Bob’s Burgers/American Dad (Fox; Sunday, 8:30 p.m./9:30 p.m.) – “The Simpsons” is old, but that’s fine; these are the two best Animation Domination series, anyway. I’m still humming “Taffy Butt.”

Luck (HBO; Sunday, 9 p.m.) – Series finale. Will people watch this instead of “Mad Men”? Neigh.

Eastbound & Down (HBO; Sunday, 10 p.m.) – We’re close enough to the finale that we can start thinking about how we want the show to end. Will Kenny make it back to the majors? Will Kenny quit baseball? Will Kenny die and spend eternity playing beer pong and rocking out to Pearl Jam with Shane Dog in Heaven? I hope that one.

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