The Newsroom (HBO, 9:00 p.m.) — The Newsroom ends after three seasons as everyone gathers to grieve the loss of a beloved co-worker, BJ Novak’s threatens to roll ACN into his WUPHF.com empire, and Will puts out a cigarette in a church after talking to God in Latin. I’m calling the shot.
Marco Polo (Netflix, Available Now) — Not a show about pool games, but rather a show that involves Kublai Khan. No relation to Chaka Khan. Go read Wikipedia, son.
Nick Offerman: American Ham (Netflix, Available Now) — As long as the thing that Nick Offerman is doing doesn’t involve shaving his mustache or ice dancing, I will watch the thing that Nick Offerman is doing. And I’m lying about the ice dancing.
Grimm (NBC, Friday 8:00 p.m.) — In the Grimm fall finale, the Chupacabra comes to Portland… to open up a roller skate shop and do other things that I think people in Portland would be into based on the knowledge I accrued while watching the first 2 seasons of Portlandia.
Constantine (NBC, Friday 9:00 p.m.) — John and Chas go to Mexico City to take on something called The Rising Darkness in the fall finale for the little supernatural show that could.
UFC On Fox 13 (FOX, Saturday 8:00 p.m.) — Watch well-built athletes pummel each other harder than the sport of boxing has been pummeled by UFC. That’s pretty hard.
Saturday Night Live (NBC, Saturday 11:30 p.m.) — “Live from New York, it’s not the best sketches that were written this week because we cut those and they’ll be up on our YouTube channel on Tuesday!!!” Not nearly as catchy, but shockingly true lately. Martin Freeman hosts and stars in a sketch about The Hobbit that won’t be very good. Again, I am calling the shot.
Once Upon A Time (ABC, Sunday 8:00 p.m.) — The synopsis says that “Hook’s fate hangs in the balance,” but I thought we already decided that he had too much makeup on and didn’t dance nearly as well as he did in the Fatboy Slim video.
The Librarians (TNT, Sunday 8:00 p.m.) — The 2-hour premiere did huge ratings, so by decree of the populus, you might want to check it out. Also, everyone gets lost in a massive labyrinth… except David Bowie. He always knows where he’s going.
Sunday Night Football (NBC, Sunday 8:25 p.m.) — Dallas Cowboys at Philadelphia Eagles. Two 9-4 teams clash in a battle for NFC East supremacy. I predict no Jerry Jones smiling faces this time out, but I’m also writing this while wearing a LeSean McCoy jersey, so I’m completely biased.
Brooklyn Nine-Nine (FOX, Sunday 8:30 p.m.) — Jake and Charles spend eight days together on a stake out in the fall finale. Also, Nick Cannon appears. I like to say it like that because it makes him sound like some kind of spectre and not a song and dance man with rapid-fire improv skills.
Bob’s Burgers (FOX, 9:30 p.m.) — Tina goes deep undercover to get to the bottom of the cookie secret mole.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Jamie Foxx and Robert Klein on Letterman; Rashida Jones and DJ Qualls on Ferguson; and Martin Freeman and Megan Mullally on Fallon.