American Idol (Fox) — Season finale. It’s Simon Cowell’s last “American Idol” before he jumps ship to get better ratings and make more money on the new “X-Factor.” Disgusting dredlocked hippie Crystal Bowersox is favored, which means that Fox will probably crown man-tool Lee DeWyze the new Idol. The next steps for both: brief recording career that fizzles followed by briefly successful Broadway career followed by drug-addled unemployment. At least I hope so.
Criminal Minds (CBS) — Season finale. Tim Curry guest stars as a serial killer. That’s pretty solid casting, actually.
CSI: New York (CBS) Season finale. Edward Furlong guest stars as a serial killer. Less solid casting.
Ground War (PBS) — PBS goes all Military Channel with this series. Tonight: the evolution of artillery, from the trebuchet to feces-flinging monkeys (it’s how the Marines took Tripoli).
How’d You Get So Rich? (TV Land) — Hosted by Joan Rivers. From Yahoo TV: “This week she meets Phil Ruffin, a man who was once down to his last 28 cents but turned his life around by launching self-service gas stations, which eventually made him a billionaire. He later bought the Treasure Island Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas for $1.2 billion and paid for it in cash… Next, Joan [visits] Ron Rice, a former schoolteacher and lifeguard who invented Hawaiian Tropic suntan lotion in a trash can in his garage … and turned it into an empire.” And 55-gallon drums full of bikini-model poon, no doubt.