2012 Presidential Debates (All Four Networks, 9 p.m.) — Mitt Romney has been working on his knock-knock jokes for MONTHS, but if you ask me, whoever does the best air guitar will win my vote. Best two out of three: “Welcome to the Jungle,” “Wanted Dead or Alive,” and Winger’s “17.” If someone doesn’t draw blood, they’re not trying hard enough.
Animal Practice (NBC, 8 p.m.) — Mostly I’m just sad that, based on last week’s ratings, Animal Practice is another Tyler Labine show headed toward early cancelation.
Survivor (CBS, 8 p.m.) — I think instead of allowing the tribe members to vote out a player each week, tribal council should just be one elaborate game of Russian Roulette. In fact, that should be the elimination procedure in every reality competition. It would certainly weed out the dumb people.
Neighbors (ABC, 8:30 p.m.) — It’s funny because aliens = suburbans. Get it? GET IT? Yeah, me neither.
Supernatural (CW, 9 p.m.) — CW is the only network, if you can call it that, airing original programming against the debates with the eighth season premiere of Supernatural, meaning that the only thing millions of Jensen Ackles fans will know about tonight’s presidential debate is what they learn from the GIF galleries tomorrow. Who am I kidding? Those GIFs will probably be more substantive than anything the candidates say tonight.
LATE NIGHT LISTINGS: Tina Fey and Rick Santorum are both on Letterman tonight; I’d kill to share a green room with those two. The NBC Thursday night stars, in fact, are out in full force tonight: Christina Applegate is on Leno, and Amy Poehler is on Kimmel, but the get of the night goes to Craig Ferguson, who has Keanu Reeves. Martin Short is on Fallon, and Rand Paul is on The Daily Show.