Scream Queens (Fox, 9:00 p.m.) — Season two kicks off years after the Kappa House horrors. For some reason, Dean Munsch decides it’s a good idea to buy an abandoned hospital where she recruits Drs. Brock Holt and Cassidy Cascade (Taylor Lautner and John Stamos) and medical student Zayday Williams, as well as the disgraced Chanels. Obviously, a new serial killer sees this as the perfect opportunity to go on a spree.
Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (ABC, 10:00 p.m.) — In the fourth season premiere, S.H.I.E.L.D. becomes legitimized again and finds a new director as Coulson steps down to take on an agent role again. While he and Mack track Inhumans, Agent May trains special strike teams and Fitz and Simmons move forward in their romantic relationship.
This Is Us (NBC, 10:00 p.m.) — The NBC drama — and one of this Fall’s most anticipated new shows — follows several people whose lives are mysteriously intertwined: a couple expecting triplets faces tragedy, a son searches for his father, a struggling actor searches for purpose and a woman battles to lose weight.
Brooklyn Nine-Nine (Fox, 8:00 p.m.) — Season four premieres as Jake and Holt continue living their new lives in Florida under Witness Protection while Jimmy remains at large. Unfortunately for them, a video of the pair goes viral, blowing their cover.
Dancing With the Stars (ABC, 8:00 p.m.) — The first elimination of the season happens tonight. (Please let it be Ryan Lochte, please let it be Ryan Lochte.)
NCIS (CBS, 8:00 p.m.) — Season 14 begins as the team investigates a deadly explosion in Washington, D.C. that may be linked to a missing NCIS agent who disappeared while on a deep cover assignment in Argentina. Meanwhile, Gibbs is struggling to find a new team member and ask special agent Alexandra Quinn to shadow the crew.
The Voice (NBC, 8:00 p.m.) — Blind auditions continue as Alicia Keys and Miley Cyrus basically take over the entire show. Sorry, Blake Shelton.
WWE SmackDown (USA, 8:00 p.m.) — It’s John Cena vs. Dean Ambrose in tonight’s main event.
New Girl (Fox, 8:30 p.m.) — Season six kicks off with the return of Nick, who’s back early from his summer in New Orleans which isn’t good news for Jess, who recently remembered how much she loves him. Elsewhere Cece and Schmidt struggle to buy their first home and Winston faces a roadblock in his long-distance relationship with Aly.
Bull (CBS, 9:00 p.m.) — Michael Weatherly is jumping ship (though he’s not going too far) with this new law procedural on his home network. Loosely based on the early career of TV shrink Dr. Phil (yes, that Dr. Phil), the show follows Dr. Jason Bull, a man whose ability to analyze juries and witnesses in order to help attorneys win cases is only matched by his huge ego.
Atlanta (FX, 10:00 p.m.) — Earn finds a way to score some extra cash as Paper Boi loses it over social media.
Halt and Catch Fire (AMC, 10:00 p.m.) — Joe has a standoff with the board as tensions rise over an offer to buy Mutiny. Meanwhile, Donna enjoys a solo weekend as Gordon and Cam bond over video games.
Ink Master (Spike, 10:00 p.m.) — A gendered alliance forms as a Flash Challenge tests Team Nunez’s legibility skills.
NCIS: New Orleans (CBS, 10:00 p.m.) — Season three premieres with the team joining forces with federal agencies to track down a sniper targeting specific areas of the city.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS
Jimmy Kimmel Live!: Denzel Washington, Minnie Driver, Usher
The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Mark Wahlberg, Sofia Vergara, Mo
The Late Show With Stephen Colbert: Michelle Obama, America Ferrera
Late Night With Seth Meyers: James Spader, Jordana Brewster, the Cadillac Three, Elaine Bradley
The Late Late Show With James Corden: Alan Cumming, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Nick Jonas
The Daily Show With Trevor Noah: Jeffrey Tambor
Conan: Marshawn Lynch, Brian Posehn, Nick Cody