FRIDAY: Battlestar Galactica (Sci Fi) — It’s the long-awaited, much-anticipated, eagerly-masturbated two-hour series finale tonight. Fans and non-fans alike may enjoy a gallery of the show’s scantily-clad female stars.
Dollhouse (FOX) — According to creator Joss Whedon and star Eliza Dushku, tonight’s sixth episode is when the series stops sucking. Eh, I’ll take their word for it. I’ve got college basketball to watch.
NCAA Tournament (CBS) — Non-stop do-or-die sports gambling action ALL WEEKEND LONG. So… much… serotonin… It’s like my TV room is a casino. Say, now THERE’S an idea!
Wife Swap (ABC) — Tonight’s show marks the 47th consecutive episode where one family is totally anal-retentive and Type A, and the other one is free-wheeling and relaxed. Let’s see if it’s any different from the first 46! Or not.
SATURDAY: PGA Tour (NBC) — For people who like watching sports but hate all the excitement.
Icy Killers: Secrets of Alaska’s Salmon Shark (NGC) — Secrets too shocking to believe! Is Alaska’s salmon shark GAY? Tune in to find out!
MadTV (FOX) — Cancel your Saturday night plans, it’s a new episode.
SUNDAY: The Godfather/The Godfather Part II (AMC) — Playing back-to-back starting at 11:30 a.m. Do NOT flip through the channels on late Sunday morning or you can say goodbye to anything you were planning to do until 8:00 p.m.
The Simpsons (FOX) — The Simpsons go to Ireland in this new St. Patrick’s Day episode that debuted on the Emerald Isle. Might be worth checking out for the booze jokes.
Kings (NBC) — Tune in to watch the Old Testament set in modern times before they cancel this turd factory. Sorry, that was a bit too harsh: compelling turd factory.