Body of Proof (ABC) — Series premiere. “Dana Delany had it ALL: a great life, great family, a job as a big-shot neurosurgeon, probably a yacht somewhere, UNTIL… *truck horn* *tires screech* *CRASH*… She had to start over as a lowly medical examiner, where her obvious genius, unconventional methods, and sassy attitude help police solve crimes… if she doesn’t drive them crazy first.” Ladies and gentlemen, we’re going to need a bigger fart noise.
Teen Mom (MTV) — Season finale. Jenelle gets arrested for breaking and entering in the 90-minute season finale. For the love of God, America: BUY YOUR TEENAGE DAUGHTER BIRTH CONTROL.
Dancing with the Stars (ABC) — Tyler talked about this the other day, but it really is astounding how breathless Kirstie Alley gets after she dances. I caught a couple minutes of last night’s episode, and Alley was STILL gasping for air a full three minutes after she had danced for less than two minutes. There are fish that breathe air more efficiently.
The Game (BET) — Season finale. This has gotten amazing ratings this season, probably because BET and TBS are the only channels that make scripted shows with black casts any more. Remember when networks aired successful shows like “Cosby” and “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air”? Feels like ancient history.
Real Housewives of Miami (Bravo) — Season finale. This edition hasn’t generated much in the way of buzz or ratings, which means that it could be the second “Real Housewives” to get canceled. Just thinking about that gives me a partial.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Paul Giamatti and Olivia Munn on Conan; Howie Mandel on Leno (double woof); Britney Spears and Johnny Knoxville on Kimmel; Vanessa Hudgens on George Lopez; Larry King on Ferguson; and Liv Tyler on Fallon. Full listings at TV Squad.