Dancing with the Stars (ABC, 8 p.m.) — Season premiere. This year’s so-called “stars” include Tommy Chong, Lolo Jones, Alfonso Ribeiro, someone from Pretty Little Liars, a YouTube personality, and a farting orangutan, probably. My money’s on the orangutan.
The Roosevelts: An Intimate History (PBS, 8 p.m.) — Which Roosevelt was a lady in the street and a freak in the bed? The answer may surprise you. All this, and more, will not be on Ken Burns’ The Roosevelts: An Intimate History.
Monday Night Football (ESPN, 8:15 p.m.) — The Eagles travel to Indianapolis to play the Colts. When asked for his professional opinion on the game, noted Philadelphia fan Mr. Danger Guerrero said, “GO JOSH’S FAVORITE TEAM, THE CAROLINA PANTHERS.” No take backs!
High Moon (SyFy, 9 p.m.) — Bryan Fuller’s series about colonists on the moon racing to uncover the secrets of a new life-form wasn’t picked up to series, but SyFy turned the concept into a made-for-TV movie. It stars Jonathan Tucker, who must die.
Under the Dome (CBS, 10 p.m.) — “The latest threat intensifies, leaving Chester’s Mill residents at risk of being crushed to death.” Yes please?
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Barbra Streisand on Fallon; Jane Fonda, Ike Barinholtz, and Mastodon on Kimmel; the Bacon Brothers on Ferguson; Bill Hader and Nancy Pelosi on Meyers; Timothy Olyphant and Nasim Pedrad on Conan; Ken Burns on Stewart; and Mindy Kaling on Colbert.