Hollywood Game Night (NBC, 8 p.m.) — Contestants include Donald Faison, Chrissy Teigen, Brooklyn Decker, and Sarah Chalke. I’d almost rather see them do the Turk Dance than make out.
NFL Draft (ESPN, 8 p.m.) — After months and months of immediately useless mock drafts, it’s FINALLY time for the Houston Texans to pick Jadeveon Clowney or trade down with my Panthers for Carolina’s seventh round selection in 2023. I think that’s a fair deal for both teams.
American Comedy Awards (NBC, 9 p.m.) — I have no idea who’s attending, but Louis C.K, Jennifer Lawrence, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Simon Pegg, Emma Watson, Danny McBride, Amy Poehler, Bill Hader, and Kate McKinnon were all nominated, so…J-Law’s probably not attending.
Surviving Jack (Fox, 9:30 p.m.) — Series finale. If we mail Fox executives talking cans of vegetables and smear mud on our asses, do you think they’ll change their mind?
Elementary (CBS, 10 p.m.) — That thing from earlier about Turk Dance > kiss? Not true.
Maron (IFC, 10 p.m.) — Season premiere. LOCK THE GATES and/or doors, so no one disturbs you.
Comedy Bang Bang! (IFC, 10:30 p.m.) — Season premiere. This is where I should talk about Patton Oswalt and Vanessa Bayer guest starring, but instead, I’m going to list some out of context CBB quotes. FRIDAYNIGHTLIGHTS WOMP IT UP SIDE BY SIDE. And so on.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: James Franco and Idina Menzel on Letterman; Michael Fassbender and Zoe Saldana on Fallon; Kobe Bryant, Lake Bell, and Pharrell on Kimmel; Lisa Kudrow on Ferguson; Jon Hamm and Larry King on Meyers; Sharon Stone and Marc Maron on Conan; Katie Couric on Stewart; and Ellen Page on Colbert.