What’s on Tonight: ‘DWTS’ Finale

Dancing with the Stars (ABC) — Season finale. Your finalists are Chelsea Kane, Hines Ward, and Kirstie Alley. This is the first time in my life that I’d be happy for a Pittsburgh Steeler to win something.

The Biggest Loser (NBC) — Season finale. Now THIS is the reality show where Kirstie Alley belongs. The costume that Alley wore at the beginning of the “DWTS” season had to be taken in 38 inches for tonight’s episode. My waist is 31 inches. *shudder * Sorry, I just had a horrible image of being encased inside Kirstie Alley’s body.

Glee (Fox) — Season finale. Shot on location in New York City, in case you forgot about the time that Naya Rivera wore Daisy Dukes around the city.

The Voice (NBC) — I’m putting this in the listings — and not “American Idol” — with the vague hope that it somehow shapes popular opinion.

Tosh.0 (Comedy Central) — Brian Collins (Boom Goes the Dynamite) gets a Web Redemption.

NBA Playoffs (TNT) — Game 4 of Bulls-Heat; Heat lead the series 2-1. Last night I watched the Thunder lose a 15-point lead at home over the course of the final five minutes. It was beautiful.

LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Ewan MacGregor on Letterman; Meredith Vieira and Demetri Martin on Leno; Courteney Cox and Carrot Top (???) on Ferguson; Ed Helms and the Cars on Fallon; Keira Knightley on “The Daily Show”; Topher Grace on Conan; and a big night for Kimmel: the “DWTS” winners, Taylor Lautner, and Britney Spears.