Man vs. Wild (Discovery) — Season premiere. I can’t wait to watch the guano enema in HD.
The Middle (ABC) — Two episodes of this back-to-back kick off ABC’s primetime lineup. Man, IF ONLY the network had another smart, funny sitcom to round out this programming bloc…
Modern Family (ABC) — Benjamin Bratt guest stars as Manny’s deadbeat dad. This should be much better than the disappointing episode that shoehorned in unnecessary appearances by Ed Norton and Elizabeth Banks.
Cougar Town (ABC) — OMIGOD! Lisa Kudrow guest stars as a doctor in a “Friends” reunion! I’ve been waiting for this since… since… oh wait. Never.
I Get That a Lot (CBS) — In this celebs-in-ordinary-jobs/hidden camera special, Snoop Dogg parks cars and Paris Hilton works a gas pump. She’s an expert at extracting liquid from hoses.
Ghost Hunters International (Syfy) — Season premiere. It’s like “Ghost Hunters,” but INTERNATIONAL! In this episode, they go to Argentina to look for Hitler’s ghost. Because, you know, the Nazis who escaped to Argentina took Hitler’s ghost with them. Be sure to watch, as there will definitely be conclusive video evidence of them finding Hitler’s ghost. It’ll be a historic television event.
Apocalypse Man (History) — This stars Rudy Reyes, the Marine sergeant known as “Fruity Rudy” in the Rolling Stone articles/book/miniseries “Generation Kill” (he served as a military consultant and played himself in the HBO series).