Parenthood (NBC, 10:00 p.m.) — Max learns a lesson about love, Amber has a scary moment with her pregnancy, and Crosby takes on work out of desperation. Also, Steve Martin runs around in a cowboy outfit and I tell a crappy joke six seasons too late.
Sixteen Candles and The Breakfast Club (ABC Family, 7:00-11:00 p.m.) — Two John Hughes classics. Neither of which are Curly Sue, but we take what we can get.
The Vampire Diaries (CBS, 8:00 p.m.) — Stefan, Enzo, and Matt are divided on how to deal with Tripp, and Damon gets competitive with Elena’s date.
Mom (CBS, 8:30 p.m.) — Last week, Christy and her family had to flee a sh*thole hotel after a drug raid on a neighbor’s room. This week, they’re moving into one of those TV houses that look too good to be true. And this time, it seems like that might actually be the case.
Thursday Night Football (NFL Network, 8:25 p.m.) — Buffalo Bills at Miami Dolphins. The Bills took the first match-up between these two 5-4 teams and they may have the upper hand here thanks to their tough pass rush and the Dolphins injury depleted offensive-line.
Two And A Half Men (CBS, 9:00 p.m.) — Alan and Walden try to sell their fake love to a social worker who is played by Psych‘s Maggie Lawson. I miss Psych.
Gracepoint (FOX, 9:00 p.m.) — Amazingly, the town finds a way to fall deeper into a panic and things get intensely personal for Detective Miller.
The Shatner Project (DIY, 10:00 p.m.) — William Shatner’s crew puts together his media room/office and I wonder where they got all those TekWar posters and memorobilia.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Jim Carrey on Kimmel; Jon Stewart and Frank Caliendo on Letterman; Simon Helberg and Gillian Jacobs on Ferguson; Jennifer Lawrence on The Colbert Report; Josh Hutcherson and Tracey Ullman on Fallon; Aaron Sorkin on Meyers; and Adam Levine on Conan.