What’s On Tonight: It’s War On ‘Gotham,’ And Things Get Weird On ‘Bates Motel’

Gotham (Fox, 8:00 p.m.) – So, remember when Gordon totally had the chance to off Cobblepot at the beginning of the season? Yeah, he should’ve sent him down the river. The guy’s pretty pissed at Maroni for outing him as a murdering psychopath to mommy dearest, so to prove that he does not in fact kill people for a living, he leads a massacre that serves as the beginnings of a war in Gotham City. Meanwhile, the Ogre is still obsessed with Gordon’s former love interest, Bruce gets one step closer to becoming the bat, and Nygma officially goes off the deep end.

Bates Motel (A&E, 9:00 p.m.) – You know it’s meant to be when the guy you might have a crush on decides to fund your lung transplant operation by smuggling guns with his dad and their weed-dealing frenemy. While Dylan and Caleb take on that risky job, Norma deals with a Romero inquisition and the fact that her son is still having blackouts, finds stuffing dead animals to be his own form of yoga, and is creeping into her room in the middle of the night to touch her inappropriately.

The Originals (CW, 8:00 p.m.) – Klaus is still daggered up, but that doesn’t mean Dahlia can’t get to him. She reveals some hard truths about baby Hope and makes the hybrid an interesting proposition. While Klaus is playing sleeping beauty, Elijah and Freya are busy arguing over baiting out a baby in order to catch a crazy witch, and Hayley struggles with a decision about her future. I can’t be sure, but I think this episode’s alternate title must’ve been “The Fairly Bad Parents.”

WWE Monday Night Raw (USA, 8:00 p.m.) – Seth Rollins is still the most unpopular kid at the playground after Extreme Rules, and John Cena is the hero America deserves.

Jane the Virgin (CW, 9:00 p.m.) – When the ex of your accidentally artificially inseminated baby daddy just won’t take a hike, the only thing to do is stage a professional wrestling match and use that baby bump to take her down.

Stalker (CBS, 9:00 p.m.) – When we last left her, Lt. Davis was being held hostage in a remote cabin in the woods by her deranged stalker. Not much has changed on that front except that Romy White is now on the case, and Det. Larsen isn’t too happy about it.

The Following (Fox, 9:00 p.m.) – In tonight’s edition of “Completely Unrealistic Things That Could Only Happen On TV,” Fox is asking you to believe that a mass murderer is capable of stopping his impending execution by taking down a room of trained soldiers with his bare, cuffed hands, and then holding an entire maximum security prison hostage in order to reunite with the love of his life, Kevin Bacon.

Swab Stories (VH1, 9:30 p.m.) – A reality series about a mobile DNA-testing service begins with (1) two sisters trying to figure out if their sibling is in fact family or just a scam artist and (2) a guy trying to prove that the baby of his cheating ex girlfriend isn’t his. So, this show is basically Maury on wheels.

TURN: Washington Spies (AMC, 10:00 p.m.) – While Abe’s busy recruiting new agents in New York and playing both sides, Andre’s past is exposed, and there’s a race for intelligence from London.

The Returned (A&E, 10:00 p.m.) – Camille learns that she shouldn’t stick her nose into other people’s business while Victor goes to extreme lengths to rescue Julie. Oh, and Lena’s back!

LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Scarlett Johansson on Letterman; Robert Downey, Jr. and Zac Brown Band on Fallon; Kevin Spacey and Ioan Gruffudd on Kimmel; Julie Chen, Gordon Ramsay and The Ting Tings on Corden; James Spader, Jane Krakowski and Jack Antonoff on Meyers; Elizabeth Olsen on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart; and Cedric the Entertainer on Conan.