Pretty Little Liars (ABC Family) — I refuse to suffer the indignity of learning something about this show just so I can share something relevant here. I just put this show up top so I didn’t have Amber Portwood’s porcine mug at the top of the page all night.
Teen Mom (MTV) — Season premiere. Young people too stupid to wear condoms share their ruined youth with the world.
Tosh.0 (Comedy Central) — Tosh gives a Wed Redemption to the Phillies fan who got tased for running onto the field. Preview here.
Combat Hospital (ABC) — Tia Carrere guest stars. She’s a total babe! …is what Mike Myers said about her twenty years ago.
How the States Got Their Shapes (History) — Tonight’s subject is California, which got its shape from twice-daily yogilates sessions and a low-carb vegan diet. Damn California, you lookin’ fine!
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Lisa Kudrow on Leno; Elle Fanning on Kimmel; Steven Wright and Ellie Kemper on Ferguson; and Jada Pinkett Smith and Simon Pegg on Fallon. Jon Stewart, Colbert, Conan, and Letterman are all airing repeats this week.