Anger Management (FX, 9:30 p.m.) — Martin Sheen guest stars. Here’s a fun parlor game: is that more or less depressing than Marlon Brando in The Island of Dr Moreau?
Bullet in the Face (IFC, 10 p.m.) — Series premiere. The Eddie Izzard show once described as “the most violent show on television” debuts tonight with the first of two nightly installments. Dustin’s got the review, if you’re interested in a show with a slew of beheadings and random shootings for the sake of comedy.
The Next (The CW, 9 p.m.) — Series premiere. “When the mentors head to Orlando to meet contestants, Gloria Estefan shows a musician how to deal with stage fright, and Joe Jonas brings a young woman out of her comfort zone.” I can’t think of an episode description that appeals less to the average UPROXX reader. It’s like “ALISON BRIE JOEL MCHALE NUDE SEX BOOBIES,” but the exact opposite.
Louie (FX, 10:30 p.m.) — Louie gets a rash and says, “Might as well be a maggot sucking a dead cat’s face.”
Childrens Hospital/NTSF:SD:SUV (Adult Swim, 12 a.m.) — “Madonna” visits Childrens Hospital, which is a bummer because it’s not Mandonna, and Trent infiltrates a gang that’s planning to take down a restaurant. I hope it’s the Denny’s in San Diego. They got my order wrong, and you do NOT mess with a man’s pancakes.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Tracy Morgan on Letterman; Kristen Bell and Ryan Lochte on Leno; Jennifer Garner and Paul Scheer on Kimmel; Tyler Perry on Ferguson; Ricky Martin and Piper Perabo on Fallon; Rob Corddry on Stewart; and the Flaming Lips on Colbert.