You can’t spell “scheisse party” without “Sparty”
UNC versus Michigan State (CBS) — If the Spartans win, the auto industry will bounce back, and Michigan’s unemployment rate will magically sink below 10%. That’s the magical healing power of sports!
House, M.D. (Fox) — Meat Loaf guest-stars as a dying man whose wife wife will do anything for love (but she won’t do that).
Chuck (NBC) — Scott Bakula returns as Chuck’s father, while Chevy Chase also guest-stars. I’m not sure if anyone else whose best roles were multiple decades ago is scheduled to make an appearance.
The Princess Bride (Bravo) — My last Princess Bride reference? About 80 minutes ago. I could probably write the script from memory. In a related story, I don’t have many friends.
Little People, Big World (TLC) — Gah, TLC’s programming creeps me out. There is literally NOTHING on tonight I would rather not watch.
The Hills (MTV) — Okay, there is literally ONE THING on tonight I would rather not watch. In the Season 5 opener, it’s like, Lauren’s birthday? And Stephanie totally brings Heidi to the party! OMG! On her birthday! Couldn’t you just DIE!?!?
Who Really Killed Jesus? (National Geographic) — Spoiler alert: the Jews.