What’s on Tonight: Patrice O’Neal Tribute

Elephant in the Room (Comedy Central) — Patrice O’Neal’s stand-up special will air at 8 p.m. and again, uncensored, at midnight. People, do NOT mess with diabetes.

Psych (USA) — William Shatner guest stars. Shatner looks like someone with diabetes, right?

I Hate My Teenage Daughter (Fox) — Series premiere. The buzz for the Jaime Pressly comedy is almost universally negative, and its odd debut date — late in the fall season instead of midseason — suggests that Fox doesn’t have high hopes for it, either.

Hot in Cleveland/The Exes (TV Land) — Season/series debuts. “Hot in Cleveland” has somehow made it to a third season, while Kristen Johnston (“3rd Rock from the Sun”) stars in the new comedy about a divorce attorney who lives across the hall from three divorced guys (Wayne Knight, Donald Faison, and David Alan Basche).

Ricochet (TNT) — A TNT original film starring John Corbett, Gary Cole (Office Space), and Warming Glow favorite Julie Benz. That cast legitimately does not suck.

American Horror Story (FX) — Mena Suvari guest stars as 1940s murder victim “the Black Dahlia,” which has conveniently been co-opted for “AHS’s” salacious purposes. My point is, I would love to grab Mena Suvari’s ass.

The X Factor (Fox) — The seven remaining contestants sing Michael Jackson songs in an attempt to tarnish the King of Pop’s legacy more than his habit of touching children.

Christmas in Rockefeller Center (NBC) — The 79th annual tree-lighting ceremony kicks off the season of infuriating pedestrian gridlock between 5th and 6th Avenues and 46th and 50th Streets.

Thanks for reading, everybody. Come back tomorrow (and the next day/week/month/year) to enjoy your talented new staff of writers. I’ll see you in the comments section.