What's on Tonight: PIPPAAAAAAAA!!!

Crazy About Pippa (TLC) — Can’t wait for tonight’s one-hour special about Britain’s most eligible bachelorette? Take a walk through this gallery.

Big Law: Deputy Butterbean (ID) — Series premiere. It’s like “Lawman: Steven Seagal,” except somehow fatter. IF you don’t remember me publishing the trailer, that particular post sparked what might be the funniest commenting thread in WG history, with people rattling off the names of cop shows made fatter. Some of my favorites: “Magnum, P.I.E.”; “Slaw & Order”; “Risotto & Aisles”; and “Breakfast, He Ordered.”

White Collar/Covert Affairs (USA) — Summer finales. The blandly handsome guy is after some treasure, while Piper Perabo still can’t fight the moonlight.

Top Shot (History) — Season premiere. The testosterone can run a little high on this show — even for my tastes — but it’s still pretty fun reality competition. Tonight’s challenge involves hitting targets with a shotgun while riding a bumpy stagecoach.

Auction Kings (Discovery) — Season premiere. Seriously? People are watching shows about auctions? I won’t even go to an auction if there’s something I actually want to buy. I don’t even have an eBay account.

LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Jesse Eisenberg and the Situation on Leno; Jessica Alba on Kimmel (don’t bother, Alba’s pregnant again); Katie Holmes on Fallon; The Cars on Colbert; and James Franco and Nick Swardson on Conan.

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