Mom (CBS, 8:30 p.m.) — Season premiere. Mom was my “I kind of like this, but I know I don’t really have to pay attention to it, so I’ll watch it while doing my laundry, or something” show last season. Anna Faris and Allison Janney make everything better.
Thursday Night Football (NFL Network, 8:25 p.m.) — It’s my Panthers versus Cajun Boy’s Saints in the Battle of Which Team Won’t F*ck Up More. Should be a blast (please note that CBS is done with Thursday night games; it’s NFL Network for the rest of the season).
Two and a Half Men (CBS, 9 p.m.) — Season premiere. Our long nightmare is over.
The McCarthys (CBS, 9:30 p.m.) — Series premiere. “A multi-camera comedy about a close-knit, sports-crazed Boston family…” and I’m OUT. Sorry, Joey McIntyre.
Elementary (CBS, 10 p.m.) — Season premiere. I fell behind on Elementary last season, to the point where I didn’t even know he took a job at MI6 (although apparently he’s coming back with a “new apprentice” tonight?). Is it worth catching up?
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Brian Williams on Letterman; Gordon Ramsay on Fallon; Scott Foley and Smokey Robinson ft. Aloe Blacc and JC Chasez on Kimmel; Cedric the Entertainer and Jayma Mays on Ferguson; Zooey Deschanel and Ken Marino on Meyers; Jake Gyllenhaal, Judy Greer, and the War on Drugs on Conan; Spoon on Stewart; and David Miliband on Colbert.
