Quints by Surprise (TLC) — Season premiere. A reality show about a family with lots of offspring? Even for TLC, that’s insultingly formulaic. Call me when one of the kids is a dwarf.
Bethenny Ever After (Bravo) — Season finale. Followed, I assume, by the series premiere of “Loud Old Bitches.”
The Chicago Code (Fox) — I feel bad about not sticking with this show. It was perfectly enjoyable; it just didn’t hook me. Besides, I don’t like watching TV on Mondays. I can’t afford to get invested in any shows that might go up against Monday Night Football.
SGU: Stargate Universe (Syfy) — Series finale. I never watched this show — not enough MacGyver for my tastes.
Dancing with the Stars (ABC) — Predictably, former stripper Kendra Wilkinson got the boot before Kirstie Alley, proving once again that America loves it when I punch babies.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Kristen Wiig on Letterman; J.Lo on Leno; Rob Lowe on Kimmel; Jeff Goldblum and Sarah Chalke on Ferguson; Chelsea Handler on Fallon; Keira Knightley on “The Daily Show”; and Demetri Martin and Kat Dennings on Conan. Dennings is all nervous about meeting Conan, which is part of why I love her so much. (The other part? Huge tittays.)