What’s On Tonight: ‘Tyrant’ Premieres On FX And E! Tackles, Uh, The Uniboob

Tyrant (FX, 10 p.m.) –This week is a TV wasteland. Give Tyrant a shot, even if reviews are mixed. I’m not the only one that likes it. Here’s a short scorecard: The NYTimes likes it. The Hollywood Reporter likes it. USA Today likes it. Slate thinks it’s OK. Sepinwall didn’t care for it, and HuffPo downright hated it, in part because of the rape cliches.

Covert Affairs (USA Network, 10 p.m.) — I mean, I guess you could watch Covert Affairs, instead. It’s not held back by the fact that it cast an English actor in a Middle-Eastern role, or things like plot or character development. But I bet Piper Perabo looks really good in leather.

Night Shift (NBC, 10 p.m.) — Tonight’s episode has EVERYTHING: A violent storm, a mudslide, a woman going into labor with twins, and … what? Scott Wolf is in this, too? Well, that must explain why it’s dominating its time slot.

Extreme Weight Loss (ABC, 8 p.m.) — A 382 pound high-school coach attempts to lose half his body weight. My advice? RIDE THE SNAKE.

Botched (E!, 8 p.m.) — At the other end of the reality-show spectrum, this show deals with people trying to fix bad plastic surgeries. Tonight’s episode will feature a woman with — I sh*t you not — a uniboob. HOW DOES THAT EVEN HAPPEN? Also, DO NOT WATCH THIS CLIP. (I’ll just wait here while you’re not watching that clip … I TOLD YOU NOT TO WATCH IT, DIDN’T I?)

Celebrity Wife Swap (ABC, 10 p.m.) — I don’t know who Amanda Beard is, but she’s swapping places with Heidi Montag, which means living with Spencer Pratt, so if there’s a way to knock yourself unconscious for a couple of days, she should look into that.

LATE NIGHT LISTINGS: Melissa McCarthy is on Letterman; Roseanne Barr is on Kimmel; Ferguson has David Sedaris; Jennifer Esposito will be on Jon Stewart; Edie Falco is on Colbert; and Dean Norris stops by Conan.