WWE Monday Night RAW (USA, 9 p.m.) – We usually let our “special” brother, With Leather, take the wrestling headlines, but not tonight. Cyndi Lauper, last heard singing about taffy butts, will make an appearance on “RAW,” which I’m mostly mentioning because I’ve been looking for an excuse to use that banner image for awhile. Man knew how to rock the unbuttoned, multicolored flower shirt. R.I.P. Lou Albano, the best Mario ever.
Nazi UFO Conspiracy (Military, 9 p.m.) – The Military Channel chooses their shows the same way manatees write episodes of “Family Guy”: by pulling random words out of their asses. “Tuesday, 10 p.m., stay tuned for Yeti Army Incestpalooza, only on Military.” Related: more words need to end with –palooza.
One Nation Under Dog (HBO, 9 p.m.) – ALL HAIL THE CORGI. /reads that the special’s about America’s unsettling bond with dogs and includes scenes of puppies being gassed //whimpers and cries
Best Movie Kisses (TV Guide, 9 p.m.) – #7. Jim Belushi and the dog from K-9, probably.
Glass House (ABC, 10 p.m.) – Series premiere. That show that isn’t like that other show.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Denis Leary and Olivia Wilde on Letterman; Steve Carell on Leno; Kelly MacDonald on Ferguson; Joan Rivers and Fiona Apple on Fallon; Martin Short and Aubrey Plaza on Conan; Parmy Olson on Stewart; and Paul Krugman on Colbert.