TV

All The Times Adam From ‘Workaholics’ Made You Feel His Rage

Adam DeMamp is, perhaps, the most full of life telecom worker on the planet. Imagine receiving a phone call from the man who punked his fellow colleague by pretending to be Hulk Hogan ordering a refrigerator. With great emotions come great outbursts, though. To quote the Workaholics guys, these meltdowns are a bit loose butthole but, hey, everybody has their bad days and Adam lives to make us all feel his.

“What are you laughing at? I’m yoked!”

Adam’s bodybuilding is at once inspiring and kind of laughable. He breaks up with his crazy girlfriend (aka the landlady of TelAmeriCorp) but also humiliates himself in front of his super-swole peers. It was all downhill when one of them asked if he was the mascot prior to taking the stage.

“I’m like one of those dragons from Avatar!”

A whole bag of shrooms is (allegedly) good for all kinds of creative inspiration. Looking to make clothing alterations in an office full of cubicles? Grab a stapler and go to town on a t-shirt, making it the weirdest romper on the planet. This fits with the full DIY theme of the episode, but it’s taken to a whole other level. Somehow Adam connects nearly stapling his bits while wearing an XXXL shirt with going full dragon, floppy sleeves and all.

“I feel like I can punch through a wall.”

PCP is a hell of a drug (allegedly) and so is the divine power of the universe. Adam gets predictably lost on his way to secure a spot in line for Anders’ big zombie apocalypse video game that he’s aching to play. Somehow he swaps addicts for the undead and goes from waiting for clean needles to hallucinating that the people around him are after his brains. If this is somehow a teaser for the video game, then shut up and take my pre-order.

“You got a problem with Reptar? You got a problem with me!”

The guys’ understanding of taxes is perhaps the way the founding fathers intended them to be — sink enough money into services like public works and education and you have carte blanche to steal playground equipment. No one gets quite as attached to the giant dragon statue they’ve nabbed from a nearby park as Adam, who damn near injures himself falling from the roof to protect his beloved Reptar. Tommy move indeed.

“F*ck yo’ grapes!”

This is one of the realest moments that anyone struggling with either dieting or self-control can relate to. First the plan for more free snacks from the office backfires and Jillian ends up a power hungry snacking supervisor. Then, Montez’s health kick makes the snacks that are available total loose butthole.

“Wait, I’m getting fired?”

Adam has the perfect reaction to getting fired by Jillian and shows off his pipes in the process.

“Nobody respects the healing power of hot dogs!”

Hot dogs aren’t healthy. Even the hot dog vendor knows that. But nobody told Adam before he embarked on his “dogumentary” to eat 1,000 of the suspect meat products raw and sometimes whole.

“Why the f*ck are there no Reese’s pieces?”

First, Adam gets fired by Jillian, who’s acting as de facto Alice and actually following orders from an email, then he heads to the break room and can’t even get his snack on because all the Reese’s pieces are gone. Could this have been foreshadowing for “Snackers”? Either way, Adam rightfully freaks out.

“I’ve never even jet-skied off a waterfall.”

When your own mortality is staring you in the face, it’s hard not to think of everything you haven’t done. For Adam, that list includes taking a hot air balloon around the world and seeing Beauty and the Beast again, because it’s been seven whole years since he watched it last. Time to seize the Netflix.

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