The thing about Zoo is that even when you think “Hmm, not too much happened this week,” you are wrong. Hopelessly, undeniably wrong. I know because that’s what happened to me this week. I finished the episode and was kind of bummed because there wasn’t one big fun thing I could focus on for this post, but then I looked over my notes and realized just how many truly insane things happened. Maybe I’m taking the show for granted now. I mean, there was an impostor daughter plot and a mutant egg broadcasting a signal to mutant wolves and children being hauled off in cages for science. That’s a lot of things! And it’s not even all of them.
So, to make sense of it all, I will present the events of the show in three sections, each of which I have given a simple, straightforward heading.
Bob Benson from Mad Men is using an alias because the world is hunting him down and this episode he was discovered by both Logan the former evil military guy and the lady who blew up the armor-plated rhino last week and SURPRISE is also his secret sister
1. Bob Benson, whose character’s name is Jackson Oz, is going by the name Dylan because the world mistakenly thinks he was responsible for the global sterilization, and even his new girlfriend is hunting “him.” He has apparently been hiding in Oregon and controlling attack lions with his brain for 10 years without getting discovered, and yet somehow gets found out by two different people in about 12 hours.
2. I love this because, like, did no one have a picture of him? The article they pull up has a picture of a different guy, so there’s obviously some cover-up happening somewhere, but still. The sterilization happened in 2016. If the world was really looking for him, someone on Reddit would have found a Facebook photo or whatever and then it would have gone viral. It would be all over the news, and it would have been undeniable because no one on this show has aged a day despite a 10-year time jump. I work online. I know this for a fact.
3. I also love that this is apparently the thing I’m nitpicking on a show where a tissue sample grows into a egg that sends signals to mutated razorback hellbeasts, which we’ll get to in a minute.
Mitch is suddenly all better now after being in stasis for a decade and he has two young blond women claiming to be his daughter and one of them found him because Jamie, a world famous billionaire author, got the information by torturing a caged man with a taser
1. We have two Clementines, and Mitch’s method of figuring out the real one involves a parking ticket he got on the day of her birth, which the real one has in her pocket for some reason, as Mitch finds out after he shoots her in the arm. This raises many questions: Why did she have a 20-year-old parking ticket? How did a flimsy piece of paper survive an animal revolution that left her orphaned for a decade? Why did the show make the real Clementine look more devious than the fake one? Answers: Not important, not important, and because Zoo. Oh, and the real Clementine is somehow pregnant despite the whole sterilization issue. This will, one assumes, become a whole thing.
2. Jamie continues to be the best character this season. As we learned last week, she is basically Batman now because she used the 10-year time jump to become a billionaire author and dangerous vigilante, which is both impressive and very frustrating because, like, what have I done with the last decade? Not all that, buddy. Well, anyway, guess what: she also has a hostage on the science plane — which I think she is flying herself now, so it looks like “learning to fly a jumbo jet” is another thing this show-off picked up between seasons — and she’s been violently torturing him for who knows how long. That’s… dark, right? Geez Jamie.
3. This shot killed me. It’s like the cameraman was as blown away by this information as I was.
Bloodthirsty hybrid razorbacks show up at Abe’s house because the tissue sample of the rhino has somehow grown into an egg that sends them a homing signal and after they attack Abe and run off with the egg thing the military shows up and steals Abe’s kid for science reasons
1. I think this is pretty self-explanatory.
2. I mean, for Zoo.
3. The episode ended with a bunch of children being hauled off in a dang cage in the back of a truck, because they’re needed for testing to undo the sterilization process, or something. It was hilariously evil. Like the military is just hucking kids into the thing like dog catchers. There are thousands of better ways to do this. But nope. Cage on a truck. What a tremendous television show.