Nothing lasts forever, people. If flushing your goldfish in the toilet didn’t teach you that, then your first breakup certainly did. Yet and still, human nature tricks us into believing we can forcibly control the circumstances of life. As we already know, LeBron is headed south, away from his native Ohio. But for Cavs owner Dan Gilbert, that was too much to bear. So he did want any trillionaire crybaby would do — he wrote King James a hate letter straight from his betrayed soul, all but pulling out his d!ck and tell Bron Bron to suck it.
Dear Cleveland, all of Northeast Ohio and Cleveland Cavaliers supporters wherever you may be tonight;
As you now know, our former hero, who grew up in the very region that he deserted this evening, is no longer a Cleveland Cavalier.
This was announced with a several-day, narcissistic, self-promotional build-up culminating with a national TV special of his “decision” unlike anything ever “witnessed” in the history of sports and probably the history of entertainment.
Clearly, this is bitterly disappointing to all of us.
The good news is that the ownership team and the rest of the hard-working, loyal, and driven staff over here at your hometown Cavaliers have not betrayed you nor NEVER will betray you.
There is so much more to tell you about the events of the recent past and our more than exciting future. Over the next several days and weeks, we will be communicating much of that to you.
You simply don’t deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal.
You have given so much and deserve so much more.
In the meantime, I want to make one statement to you tonight:
“I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER ‘KING’ WINS ONE.”
You can take it to the bank.
If you thought we were motivated before tonight to bring the hardware to Cleveland, I can tell you that this shameful display of selfishness and betrayal by one of our very own has shifted our “motivation” to previously unknown and previously never experienced levels.
Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there.
Sorry, but that’s simply not how it works.
This shocking act of disloyalty from our homegrown “chosen one” sends the exact opposite lesson of what we would want our children to learn. And “who” we would want them to grow up to become.
But the good news is that this heartless and callous action can only serve as the antidote to the so-called “curse” on Cleveland, Ohio.
The self-declared former “King” will be taking the “curse” with him down south. And until he does “right” by Cleveland and Ohio, James (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma.
Sleep well, Cleveland. Tomorrow is a new and much brighter day…
I PROMISE you that our energy, focus, capital, knowledge and experience will be directed at one thing and one thing only:
DELIVERING YOU the championship you have long deserved and is long overdue…
So let me get this straight, Mr. Gilbert. Your crummy organization signs the guy, building up the city of Cleveland as if it was some despaired Jerusalem in dire need of its societal Jesus, allow him to wear #23 and spearhead that cornball Witness protection campaign (witness what exactly?!?). But all of this is done without making any power moves in the front office – except at the exit door (Carlos Boozer was once a Cavalier, ladies and gents) – and then spaz when he shuffles elsewhere? All the NBA Cares appearances and stock options you could possibly throw at him weren’t enough to make him content with complacency. For all the times his crossover couldn’t get him over the hump, LeBron finally made the move to get him to the next level.
It’s commendable to try and pacify the season ticket holders but it won’t fly for long. If you really want to reward them, put money up for the first person to win a championship with the Cavs in NBA 2K11. By the looks at next year’s roster, I’d say it would be a safer investment.