Jon Stewart Just Messed With The Wrong City After Last Night’s Epic Anti-Philadelphia Rant

05.21.14 4 years ago 42 Comments

Comedy Central

Last week Phillies manager Ryne Sandberg claims to have gotten food poisoning while dining on New York City’s ubiquitous Shake Shack, at the chain’s Citi Field location while the Philadelphia Phillies were in town playing the Mets. According to what Sandberg told reporters, he lost six pounds in two days due to uncontrollable diarrhea — not fun, if you’ve ever experienced food poisoning or a norovirus.

So on last night’s Daily Show, Jon Stewart accused “some jagoff from Philadelphia” from tarnishing the good name of Shake Shack the New York Mets in an epic, Philadelphia-slamming rant. Here’s just a snippet of Stewart’s remarks:

“What kind of city takes the parts of the cow normal people throw away, fries it up on a hunk of bread and before serving it up, asks ‘you want me to put whiz on that?’ I’ll tell ya, a city SO F*CKING DUMB it uses its art museum as exercise equipment. A city so famously f*cked that no animal would represent its baseball team forcing you to go with this fucked up Jim Henson-reject-looking piece of sh*t.”

OK, first of all, the Art Museum steps are meant to be the climactic finish of a long run, not the entire workout itself. There is actually an 8.6 mile loop that starts and ends at the Art Museum and winds along the Schuylkill River. Secondly, cheesesteaks are delicious. To this day I don’t think I’ve ever had one sober, but that only adds to their allure. Third … OK, yeah. Our baseball mascot is kind of a giant green nutsack. I’ll give him that one.

Obviously Jon Stewart was joking and not serious about his Philly hate, but still — he’d better watch his back. Philadelphians are not exactly known for having, how do you want to say … A sense of humor, when it comes to our fine city. We will huck batteries at you, Stewart, is all I’m saying.

Stewart’s rant starts in at the 4:11 mark:

(Via Brobible)

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