I love Mariah Carey, I really do. I mean, I love her as much as I can love anyone whose music I’m not personally super into, so that’s saying something. In a nutshell, I love Mariah Carey for being the type of diva lady who wears fancy mermaid gowns to take her children to the playground and sells a soft drink marketed as a “melodic beverage inspired by the magic of Mariah Carey.”
Not inspired by Mariah Carey, but BY HER MAGIC. She is so wonderfully ridiculous and over the top and she makes me so happy.
So in turn I want Mariah Carey to be happy. But Mariah Carey does not make the kind of decisions that lead to making Mariah Carey happy unfortunately. Case in point, following her split from douchebag rapper/variety show host Nick Cannon, Carey has been “spending time” with famed douchebag director Brett Ratner. According to Page Six:
We’re told Carey, who has been “living apart” from Cannon for months, has been seeking advice from her good friend Ratner. “They speak frequently,” we’re told.
Ratner directed a number of Carey’s music videos from her earlier albums, including “Heartbreaker” and “We Belong Together,” and have been close friends since.
Carey posted photos of Ratner on vacation in Aspen with her in December, and in July, Carey went with Ratner to the premiere of “Hercules,” which he directed.
NO, MARIAH CAREY. BAD MARIAH CAREY. Goddammit, where’s a rolled up newspaper and spray bottle filled with water when you need one. I never thought I’d say this, but … It’s still not too late to take Nick back? It’s not the worst option here.