Penis-Less Man Is Found On The Side Of The Road As Police Go On A Penis Hunt To Find Said Penis

03.13.14 4 years ago 4 Comments

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Over in the UK, a man was found by police sitting on the side of the road without his penis. Yup. Via The Guardian:

A busy dual carriageway had to be closed by police searching for the severed penis of a man who had been found severely injured.

The 40-year-old was discovered in a distressed way on the A66 in Middlesbrough at 4.50am on Thursday morning. Officers were called to the scene and found the man with “wounds to his groin area”. He was then taken to hospital.



Losing your dong and saying, “wounds to the groin area” is like comparing decapitation to a cut while shaving. There is not enough hyperbole to describe the event. So, this guy is just sitting there, probably thinking about how horrible his life will be from now on when the cops show up. Then what happened?

A section of the road was closed off as it is believed officers were searching for his missing penis. Cleveland Police said a 22-year-old had been arrested on suspicion of assault and was later released on police bail.

The injured man is in an induced coma in hospital, police said. The road closure has since been lifted.

It was unclear whether police have found the missing penis. Detectives were trying to clarify exactly how the man came to sustain the injuries. (via)

If you were a cop, you’d first probably think that this was a gross thing to do, but then, as you search, you’re basically looking for a man’s real best friend out there, so no flashlight could shine brightly enough for any man during that search. Hopefully they find it, or one to replace it (not just another one in the road that isn’t his, because then the UK needs help). Until then, don’t wake that guy up, because no one wants to wake up to that.

( Via  The Guardian / Gawker )

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