10 Funniest #MadMenFinalePredictions on Twitter

Senior Pop Culture Editor
06.10.12 2 Comments

More than two months after the world was introduced to Megan Draper dancing to “Zou Bisou Bisou” (here’s a reminder, y’know, just in case you need a refresher), the fifth season of AMC’s “Mad Men” ends tonight with the mysteriously named “The Phantom.” In anticipation, #MadMenFinalePredictions was a trending term on Twitter, with fans of the show guessing what’s going to happen beginning at 10 p.m. EST.

Here are 10 of the funniest tweets, as well as a handy recap of every episode so far this season. As always, Cajun Boy will have a discussion up Monday afternoon, too.

Not so much funny as it is, please???

“A Little Kiss”

Don Draper turns 40, something that his new wife, Megan, is much more excited about than he is. She plans an elaborate party at their swanky apartment and invites all of his work buddies, and Pete Campbell. She even does a VA-VA-VOOM dance to the French song “Zou Bisou Bisou,” which nearly blows up in the Internet but embarrasses Don; they later have angry sex on the floor. Joan isn’t around, though, because she’s still on maternity leave, looking after her son Kevin, with her mom Gail.

“Tea Leaves”

Sure, Don and Harry try to meet the Rolling Stones and Michael Ginsberg is added to the Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce mini-empire as a copywriter for Mohawk, but this episode will always be remembered as the introduction of: FAT BETTY. We’ll never look at Bugles the same way again.

“Mystery Date”

In which Don Draper chokes a bitch. Former lover Andrea Rhodes, specifically, and only in a fever-induced dream, but still. Meanwhile, poor, doomed Sally is being babysat by Henry’s mom, who tells her to “watch the sunset from your bedroom window…it’s the saddest thing in the world,” and Joan calls it off with her piece-of-sh*t husband, Greg. He WAS never a good man. Peggy counts money.

“Signal 30”

Pete “The King” Campbell, fed up with taking the train from Connecticut into Manhattan every day and a &*&%&@@# leaky faucet that Don fixes in all of five seconds, brawls with Lane because internally, he’s really…brawling with himself. Woah. Also, Ken Cosgrove is a sci-fi writer and Trudy is Trudy, i.e., pretty.

“Far Away Places”

Roger and Jane take LSD, then call off their marriage, while Don and Megan’s matrimony is tested, too, when she runs away from him at a Howard Johnson’s in Plattsburgh, New York. Back at the office, Peggy is forced to pitch an account to Heinz by her lonesome, and when it doesn’t go well, she also flees, but only makes it as far as a local movie theater, where she gives a stranger a buttery handjob.

“At the Codfish Ball”

Remember poor, doomed Sally from before? This is why: she’s friends with creepy Glenn, last seen asking pre-Fat Batty for some hair, and at the titular ball, she walks in on her step-grandmother “performing fellatio,” as respectful recaps put it, on Roger. In Uproxx terms, she was polishing Roger’s sterling, and thus, poor, doomed Sally. Also, Peggy moves in with her boyfriend, Abe, and SCDP lands Heinz, thanks to Megan’s ingenuity.

“Lady Lazarus”

Old Man Draper attempts to turn off his mind, relax, and float downstream, but he doesn’t get the Beatles, so he keeps his mind on, doesn’t relax, and…doesn’t float upstream? Something like that. Pete continues to be an idiot and cheats on Alison Brie with Rory Gilmore. Speaking of actors who we only refer to as their character’s name, Principal Belding acts Principal Belding-y.

“Dark Shadows”

Ginsberg gets his Jew on after being forced to handle the Manischewitz account, as does Roger, who makes ex-wife Jane attend a dinner with him. But Ginsberg, unlike Roger, feels bad for Don and his recent lack of creativity (i.e., “too busy f*cking Megan”), while Don doesn’t “think about [Ginsberg] at all.” That, my friends, is a burn. Betty, meanwhile, could learn to burn some calories and not drink whipped cream like its water after picking up her kids at Don’s new pad.

“Christmas Waltz”

HARE KRISHNA HARE KRISHNA HARE KRISHNA HARE KRISHNA HARE KRISHNA. That translates to, “Kinsey returns as a sad sack Hare Krishna follower who writes “Star Trek” scripts in his spare time (The Negron Complex!), something he has a lot of. Lane Pryce writes a check to Lane Pryce by forging Don’s signature, because Don’s too busy rallying the SCDP troops into landing the Jaguar account. And Megan throws spaghetti.”

“The Other Woman”

Joan takes one for the team by sleeping with an obese Jaguar executive. She demands a 5% stake in the firm as payment for her action. Peggy meets with an executive from rival firm Cutler Gleason and Chaough, who’s offers her a job. Peggy accepts said offer, good for $19,000/year, which in 2012 money is *does math* a lot more money than $19,000, and leaves SCDP. FOR GOOD?!?

“Commissions and Fees”

R.I.P. Lane.

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