Today is actually a very special day, as we actually make room for two awful trolls we somehow missed in the last year. But Christmas is the season of giving, and we wouldn’t want to let the year end without kicking a few self-righteous trolls where it hurts.
So, here, have the gift of rage as you view what the entitled brought us for Twitter this month:
@Reply: You have to sleep sometime.
Character Overage: You’re a clubber in Montreal and you look like Jason Schwartzmann in a wig, lady. In fact. we’re not entirely sure this isn’t Jason Schwartzmann trolling Twitter.
@Reply: Really? Both of them?
Character Overage: As far as we can determine, she is a Gleek and Canadian. So, it’s awesome she beat the odds and found someone.
@Reply: That’ll teach you to use your phone in the restroom.
Character Overage: Is being referred to on SportsCenter really interesting? Even for the production team of SportsCenter?
@Reply: Gee, you recognized a world-famous musician. Good for you.
Character Overage: Wait, are they making a snob joke, or an “All Asians look alike” joke?
@Reply: Too bad, you’re a troll, she’s a troll, we might have a love connection goin’ on here.
Character Overage: As you might expect, this guy is a self-involved, self-righteous militant New Yorker. He also works for the New York Times and his son, who appears to be not yet in grade school, has been issued a Twitter by Daddy. In other words, he is not just more proof, but perhaps the most perfect example, that owning a television is a good thing to do.
@Reply: Yes, but we thought you might want to actually contribute to society.
Character Overage: An “artist and entrepreneur” in Portland, OR? What’s all this pretending to be employed, then?
@Reply: Unfortunately, you look like Rick Jones
Character Overage: Let’s take all the workout bragging on Twitter, and push it back onto Facebook, mkay?
@Reply: And you’re applying this lesson when?
Character Overage: Oh, wait, you teach “content strategy” on the Web. Never mind. Thought isn’t needed for that.
@Reply: We think you’re confusing “uncomfortable” with “annoyed.”
Character Overage: We saw that she had a Bachelor’s in Music Education and were terrified, for a moment, that she would be allowed near children. But it’s all right, she’s Canadian. Maybe they can banish her to Alberta.
@Reply: He even remembered my nickname, “Dumbass White Boy!”
@Reply: Well, stop signing up on those porn listservs, then.
Character Overage: Really? There are still people who brag about how full their inbox is? Is your life that pathetic?
@Reply: Try doing it with a Lancer.
Character Overage: This is, of course, Cliff Bleszinski, who is a major force in video games that involve hiding behind walls and shooting at people. He’s very knowledgeable when it comes to games. Other topics…not so much.
@Reply: Us too. So we sent you a bag.
Character Overage: We don’t actually think you’re ugly in the face, Laura Burwell. Just ugly deep in your soul. Something the fact that your account is protected tells us you’ve heard about repeatedly.
@Reply: Ha-ha, stupid poors and their self-improvement!
Character Overage: The funny thing is that she works at Toy R Us. Retail. FOR FOUR YEARS.
How’re those student loans coming, kiddo?