The recent J.J. Abrams Star Trek movie was a big success (to the tune of nearly 400 million dollars) and a big budget sequel is coming in 2013, which begs the question, when are we getting a new Star Trek TV series? Traditionally Star Trek has been primarily a TV-based franchise — it just seems weird to be getting these movies without a Trek show on the air.
Now, rumor has it a new Star Trek TV show may happen after the release of the next movie, but what this show’s premise will be is unknown. Well, just in case they’re still taking suggestions, I have a few ideas for new Trek TV shows…
Star Trek: The Next Next Generation
It’s unlikely they’ll convince the cast of the new Trek movies to do a TV show, so how about a J.J. Abrams lens flare filled version of Next Generation? Really sex up the ol’ Enterprise D. Start with Christina Hendricks as Beverly and take it from there.
Star Trek: SCSI (Space Crime Scene Investigation)
There’s always somebody being murdered in Star Trek — are we to believe Worf solved the hundred or so murders that happened on Next Generation by himself? Come on, that guy couldn’t catch a cold. There must be some sort of galactic CSI unit out there, and I want to see them solving crimes in all their sexy glory.
Star Trek: SCSI: SVU
A lot like Star Trek: SCSI, except more rapey and uncomfortable to watch with your family.
Star Trek: SCSI: SVU: NY
A lot like Star Trek: SCSI: SVU except on the mean streets of Noo Yawk (New York is officially renamed Noo Yawk sometime in the 22nd century).
Star Trek: Just More Deep Space 9
This is the one I’m really pulling for.
Star Trek: Star Wars
Some Star Wars fans may chafe at the suggestion that Star Trek should just take over the Star Wars universe, but come on, admit it, it couldn’t be any worse than what’s being done to it now. Phasers, blasters, Ewoks, tribbles, it’s all the same anyways.
Star Trek: Ferengi Fun!
A series devoted to everyone’s favorite Star Trek alien race, the Ferengi! You may not know all 285 Rules of Acquisition now, but you certainly will after Ferengi Fun runs for 10 seasons!
Star Trek: This Old Warp Core with Geordi LaForge
For the technobabble fans out there — just episode after episode of Geordi puttering around engineering fixing deflector arrays while spouting massive blocks of total nonsense.
Star Trek: Smoke
Star Trek: Nights
Extra sexy late night spin-off. Also Wesley starts a detective agency that investigates ghosts or something. Bitchin’ squealin’ sax based theme song.
Star Trek: Mornings
Mostly the crew eating breakfast.
Star Trek: Tales from the Holodeck
Each episode features a new group of people immersed in intrigue and mystery within the holodeck. Moriarty and Genghis Khan escape so many times — so, so many times.
Star Trek: Wesley Crusher: Teenager F–k Machine
The pilot’s already written.
Star Trek: Gamma Squad
Hey, remember the Gamma Quadrant? That part of the galaxy beyond the wormhole in Deep Space 9 that seemed really interesting, but was never fully fleshed out before the show ended? How ’bout we go back there? Also, the name of the show would be the same as this blog! See what I did there?
Star Trek: Fall of the Federation
This one would take place hundreds of years after all the other versions of Star Trek, and feature a Federation on the verge of collapse. This is rumored to be the actual idea they’re going with for a new Trek show, so I’m including it here so it looks like I came up with it first if it happens.
Star Trek: The Spacening (alternate title: Hell on Thrusters)
Star Trek goes to AMC, the place where story matters. Since the creators of Mad Men and Breaking Bad are already busy making those shows, AMC execs roll up their sleeves and get hands-on with Star Trek, making sure the show is really self-serious and full of exciting twists and turns (that may or may not make any sense). The writing team will completely change eight times during the first season to keep things fresh.
Star Trek: Voyager: Reckoning
Every episode consists of the crew of the Voyager being killed one by one in the most spectacularly gory manner possible. Then the ship blows up.
Star Trek: Enterprise: Reckoning
I think you get the idea.
Star Trek: Hey, What Happened in the Century Between the Original Series and The Next Generation?
Seriously, I want to know.
Star Trek: Redneck Alien Hoedown!
Everyone seems to be totally into gawking at rednecks on TV these days — I mean, there’s an actual real show on TV right now called Hillbilly Handfishin’. Really. Time for Trek to hop on this sure to be long-lived trend and give us a look at some of the more out of the way planets in the galaxy. You know, the ones where everybody’s forehead ridges are just a little uh, off due to inbreeding.
Star Trek: The New Animated Series
Combining the quality production of the 70s Filmation show, with all the sassy pop-culture references you expect from a modern cartoon.
Star Trek: Picard Loves Riker
They do, and it’s beautiful.
Star Trek: The Red Shirt Diaries
Everyone episode features a bunch of red shirts just hardcore humpin’ it up, before, I dunno, they’re all killed by a tar monster or fall in a hole or something. David Duchovny narrates.
Star Trek: Some Joss Whedon Thing
Hey, they let the other nerd-favorite writer do the movies, why not let Whedon do the TV show? You never knew technobabble could be so sassy and clever. Plus Bones has to end sometime, which means David Boreanaz is going to need something to do again.
Star Trek: Babies
You can’t call yourself a truly successful franchise if you’ve never been baby-ified. Data as a pile of half-finished circuit boards would be particularly adorable.
How about you guys? Do you have any ideas for a new Trek TV series? Obviously your ideas aren’t going to be as awesome as mine, but leave a comment anyways.