A 70-Year-Old Man Robbed A Bank For The Sole Purpose Of Staying In Jail Rather Than With His Wife

They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but what they don’t say is how that absence should come about. It’s left up to interpretation. Does throwing away the last roll of toilet paper so you have to go to the store count? What about taking the dog for a walk when the dog clearly wants no part of moving? Does working late in the office count if “working” really means “checking your fantasy team”? What about robbing a bank, then immediately turning yourself in so you’re taken to jail, the only place your wife can’t possibly reach you? No? That last one was the line, huh?

A 70-year-old Kansas City man crossed that line and then some recently when he walked into a bank, handed the teller a note demanding money, took the cash, then sat his happy ass down in the lobby until the police arrived, all in some crazy kamikaze jail sentence scheme. According to a statement released by authorities, Lawrence John Ripple was apprehended inside the bank he just “robbed” of $2,924 after notifying a security guard he was the guy police were looking for.

Ripple apparently left a recent argument with his wife concluding that jail was the only place he could get away from her. In the demand note Ripple handed the teller he reportedly wrote “he’d rather be in jail than at home.” Ripple was charged with one federal count of bank robbery, but in a plot twist only a jaded husband fed up with life could see coming, the judge freed him on his own recognizance. Plan foiled. Back to square one, only worse, for Mr. Ripple. Godspeed.

(Via USA Today)