Viral

A Nebraska Woman Has Filed A Federal Lawsuit Against ‘All Gay People’ Because That’s Reasonable

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A Nebraska woman is taking it upon herself to sue the gays for ruining America. Sylvia Driskell — a 66-year-old who claims to be an ambassador for God and his son, Jesus Christ — has challenged Omaha federal courts to decide whether or not homosexuality is a sin. Driskell will be representing herself in court, which is always a positive sign of a completely sane and fair-minded lawsuit.

According to Omaha.com, Driskell is citing bible verses to support her case, arguing: “Homosexuality is a sin and that they the homosexuals know it is a sin to live a life of homosexuality. Why else would they have been hiding in the closet?” There’s more:

Driskell wrote in a seven-page petition to the court that God has said homosexuality is an abomination. She challenged the court to not call God a liar.

“I never thought that I would see a day in which our great nation or our own great state of Nebraska would become so compliant to the complicity of some people(’s) lewd behavior.”

It’s unclear what kind of settlement Driskell is seeking in her lawsuit against gay people. Is this some kind of reverse class action thing where all gay people owe her 36 cents if she wins? Or maybe gay people will be ordered to keep 300 feet away from her if she’s successful? If this is a thing now, does this mean we can also sue all homophobes? Because I might want to get in on that.

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