A Tribute To Sarah Palin’s Aborted Historic Bus Tour Of America

06.22.11 5 Comments

Remember a couple of weeks ago when plucky Alaskan muppet Sarah Palin set out on a bus tour of the Northeast, touring this nation’s oldest historic sites, re-writing history along the way, not because she’s running for president or anything, mind you, but because she wanted to bring us all together, or something, because Sarah Palin is a uniter above all else.
Yes, according to the fancy YouTube video she made to promote her “One Nation” tour, it was intended to be “a national bus tour of East Coast historic sites…to highlight the country’s founding principals…paying tribute to American history.” Um, okay…

Anyway, today, in typical Sarah Palin fashion, she quit the tour. In other words, she aborted it. Or, in more euphemistic terms, she and the tour are taking an “extended pit stop.”
However you want to phrase it, the great Sarah Palin bus tour of 2011 is now over. So to honor this notable chapter in American history, I put together a small gallery of ten photos taken by the Associated Press of Palin during the tour and added my own caption quotes. Enjoy…

“Is this the church where they burned all the witches?”
“It’s not just a giant crucifix, it’s also a butt plug.”
“It’s not just a giant Star of David, it’s also Todd’s c*ck ring. I’m all about consolidation and efficiency when I travel.”
“Yeah, you may look like me, but look at my tits. LOOK AT THEM!”
“Is that the Rapture?”
“Yeah, sure, I haven’t had any really crappy pizza in a long time, Donald.”
“Who wrote the Pledge of Allegiance, Mom?”
“Jesus did, Piper. Jesus did.”
H&H Bagels on the Upper West Side is closing down? GET THE F*CK OUT OF HERE!”
“Here’s a copy of the Constitution, which was written by Ronald Reagan.”
“How does that man with the sign know that I was the 1988 Wasilla Iditarod Queen?”
Naturally, Sarah Palin is now claiming that she’s not quitting her tour, whining in a tweet about how the “lamestream media” is spreading lies about her again, linking in the tweet to a story about her quitting the tour run by her own employer as evidence of further media misdeeds. Oh Sarah, shine on you crazy diamond. Shine on.

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