Aaron Joseph Purmort was a 35-year-old man who died of cancer on November 25th. He lived an amazing life. He was an art director, a website designer, a loving husband to Gwen Stefani and a superhero who rid Minneapolis of dangerous criminals
Some of that information is true. Some of it is a lie. Either way, this obituary will make you laugh and cry at the same time.
Purmort, Aaron Joseph age 35, died peacefully at home on November 25 after complications from a radioactive spider bite that led to years of crime-fighting and a years long battle with a nefarious criminal named Cancer, who has plagued our society for far too long. Civilians will recognize him best as Spider-Man, and thank him for his many years of service protecting our city. His family knew him only as a kind and mild-mannered Art Director, a designer of websites and t-shirts, and concert posters who always had the right cardigan and the right thing to say (even if it was wildly inappropriate). Aaron was known for his long, entertaining stories, which he loved to repeat often. In high school, he was in the band The Asparagus Children, which reached critical acclaim in the northern suburbs. As an adult, he graduated from the College of Visual Arts (which also died an untimely death recently) and worked in several agencies around Minneapolis, settling in as an Interactive Associate Creative Director at Colle + McVoy. Aaron was a comic book aficionado, a pop-culture encyclopedia and always the most fun person at any party. He is survived by his parents Bill and Kim Kuhlmeyer, father Mark Purmort (Patricia, Autumn, Aly), sisters Erika and Nicole, first wife Gwen Stefani, current wife Nora and their son Ralph, who will grow up to avenge his father’s untimely death. A service will be held on December 3, 2014 at Shelter Studios, 721 Harding St. NE, Mpls 55413 at 6 pm.
Published on November 30, 2014
The author of the obituary? Aaron Joseph Purmont. That’s a great mic drop, that’s a great way to go out good sir. Now it’s on Ralph to go out and destroy that evil Cancer, avenge your death.
Get to it young lad.