Adolf Hitler has been dead and well for decades, but the revelations just don’t stop. Occasionally, we gain a random conspiracy theory that claims Hitler faked his own death for an island paradise, which is always fun to consider. More often, we hear ridiculous tales about Hitler’s sex life, but don’t feel sorry for him. After he gleefully exterminated millions of Jews, he at least deserves schoolyard songs and in-depth studies of the one-testicle myth. These tales usually spring from “recently declassified documents,” and sure enough, the latest Hitler humiliation involves a top-secret dossier that reexamines history as we know it. The hilarious thing is that, when it comes to Hitler, folks will believe anything, no documents necessary.
Oh, but there are documents. The new revelation also lends credence to the Germans love sh*t meme that runs wild on the internet, so let’s roll. The Sun reveals the U.S. Office of Strategic Services operation that dug deep into Hitler’s love life to learn what really made him tick. As it turns out, Hitler not only possessed the rumored “micro penis” everyone suspected, but he was into some seriously depraved stuff. Perhaps dictators aren’t satisfied with “normal” kink and have to go to great lengths for the same buzz, so Hitler loved turning the tables. First, he enjoyed curling up in fetal position and having women kick the crap out of him. German film star Renate Müller, was reportedly made to do so and later found dead from “suicide.”