A 30-year-old Salem, Ohio man, Troy Hightland, did not show up for a scheduled probation hearing on June 10, and instead faxed over this letter from his “doctor” as evidence that he was in too poor of health to attend his hearing. In case you can’t make out the above note, we’ve gone through the trouble of transcribing it (although I use the term very loosely):
My name is Dr. Wong. I have Troy Hightland in Akron general. He was brot up here because his throat was a size of a golf ball. he can’t talk we have him on an I.V. We are keeping him intill June 24th. He will be out we hope. He is sleeping most of the time. Sorry I did not have time to tipe this out I have a lot of pashents today
Suffice to say, Hightland was arrested nine days later on a failure to appear warrant, although he still claims that the letter and the medical condition were valid — although I have no idea what kind of medical condition requires you to be sedated on an I.V. for having a throat the size of a golf ball. It’s probably one of those fancy Ohio illnesses.