Anti-Gay Group Hilariously Freaks Out Over "The Old Republic"

Here’s how you know that you’ve made it in pop culture; when you announce your game is going to include a gay option and nutcases completely freak out.

The Florida Family Association, which last got in the news for throwing a hissy fit over the reality show “All-American Muslim”, is now going ballistic over “Star Wars: The Old Republic”. So of course, we have to look at their statement:

LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender) activists are demanding that the makers of Star Wars video games add LGBT characters for kids to select as their action figure when playing the games.

…”action figure”?

Also, we like how BioWare has supposedly given in to anti-gay activists, because this is of course the first gay option in a BioWare game. EVER. Just ask James Cortez!

These LGBT activists want children and young teens to be able to choose Star Wars action characters who are lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender.

I mean, I’m sure GLAAD is happy about it, and it’s nice BioWare is being inclusive, but I don’t know many gay activists who care that much.

This would mean:

• Children and teens, who never thought anyway but heterosexual, are now given a choice to be lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender in their game player.

You know, just speaking personally, I’ve never met a gay, bisexual, or transgender person who didn’t know about their sexuality on some level at an early age. I get these people think being gay is a choice, but…seriously?

• Children and teens, who choose non-social agenda characters, would be forced to deal with lesbian, gay, bi-sexual or transgender characters chosen by other players.

How terrifying they might have to interact with gay people, because that’ll never happen to them in real life or anything. Also, apparently it’s stopped being the “gay agenda” and is now a “social agenda”.

Should BioWare bow to the demands of these LGBT activists by adding such action characters to Star Wars video games they certainly would not create game rules that would allow regular players to prohibit entry into their games by these social agenda characters. That would be discrimination (sarcasm.)

We didn’t add that “(sarcasm.)”. That’s really in the press release.

Also, give me a moment for a nerdly pet peeve here: words have actual meanings. If you refuse to allow somebody into anything because of some personal factor, that is discrimination. That’s the definition of the goddamn word. So you’re not being “(sarcastic.)”, YOU’RE USING THE DAMN WORD PROPERLY, YOU F***ING DOLT.

There were no LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender) characters in any of the Star Wars movies.

We like how apparently they’re big enough nerds to know Ziro and the gay Mandalorians Karen Traviss introduced in the novels exist, and how that invalidates everything they’re talking about, and still have the balls to be that specific.

Well, either that or they have no idea there are books, other games, etc.

So if BioWare, the maker of Star Wars video games, adds LGBT characters for kids to select as their action figure it could be something like Darth RuPaula, a combination of Darth Vader, one of the most popular Star Wars characters, and RuPaul, the renown transgender cross dresser.

DON’T EXPLAIN THE JOKE. And yes, that includes the Photoshop up top.

And, since I’m nitpicking, RuPaul is not transgender. He’s a transvestite. It’s called “Wikipedia”.

By the way, BioWare has no plans to include transgender characters. These people are just convinced anything “gay” also means “transgender”. And to be honest, I think Mass Effect 3 should have a “bi” option because come on, if you can juggle a few relationships, that’s got to be worth at least a few XP. Daddy needs to make level 60!

C3PO image courtesy of Lucasfilm