Bad Guys Need Love Too: The Five Best Villain Marriages In Nerddom

Hey, just because somebody is a master of the dark arts doesn’t mean they don’t deserve a date. While other sites are mooning over the most tragic romances in nerddom, let’s hear it for the bad guys who can keep a marriage together, if for no other reason than they regularly prove getting laid doesn’t make you less evil.

The Monarch And Dr. Mrs. The Monarch, The Venture Brothers

Two of the strongest characters on The Venture Bros., part of the reason this couple works so well is the show has gone out of its way, more than once, to establish that as clumsy and moronic as the Monarch can be, he’s also the only man Dr. Girlfriend has ever been worth who treats her as something other than a prop. And it’s kind of sad in the second season when they’re apart. Even if they’re a bit… passive-aggressive at times.

Monsieur Mallah And The Brain, DC Comics

OK, so a highly intelligent Communist ape and a brain in a can are not the most… conventional couple, and we suppose they’re not legally married, but they’re married in spirit, and that’s what counts. It’s telling that after Grant Morrison made it canon during his great Doom Patrol run, DC has essentially stuck with it ever since. And, hey, we know Mallah really does appreciate the Brain for his personality, because he usually doesn’t have a body, and when he does, it either melts or explodes.

Kala and The Mole Man, Marvel Comics

It seems weird that anybody would go near the Mole Man, but, hey, they have a lot in common: They’re both leaders of underground civilizations, they’re both bitter towards the surface world, and although their relationship is tumultuous a lot of the time (they’ve been divorced at least once), let’s face it, when you’re royalty, you’ve got a limited dating pool.

William And Annette Birkin, Resident Evil

Hey, G-virus mutation is hard on a marriage, and William probably nearly ended the world. On the other hand, they do seem like a loving couple to that point, and Sherry turned out OK, so we’re guessing it was a happy marriage. Just… mad scientists probably shouldn’t live in the same house.

Astrid and Arnbjorn, Skyrim

Hey, assassins can be married! Why shouldn’t they be? And aside from that whole Dark Brotherhood thing, they seem like… well, OK, they’re assassins, they’re not nice people at all. But their marriage seems happy, so good for them. Except for the killing. They could stand to knock that off, or at least limit it to fantasy races.