Better Know A Draft Pick: Amari Cooper

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First name: Amari

Last name: Cooper

Meaning: Delightfully bitter barrel maker

Nickname: Hollywood

Which in Alabama means: He wore sunglasses that one time

Height: 6’1″

Weight: 211

Position: WR

College: Alabama

High school: Miami Northwestern

Other famous alumni: Teddy Bridgewater, Trick Daddy

Year: Junior

Reason for leaving early: Obviously you’re not familiar with Nick Saban.

Age: 20

Combine performance: SPIDER GRAPH!

40 yard dash: See above. Click measurements and comparisons. It’s pretty cool.

Honors: Biletnikoff Award, winner Heisman finalist

Twitter: @AmariCooper9

What he tweets about: Heavy stuff.

Embarrassing follows: J. Cole, Joel Osteen

Overly intense song that accompanies his YouTube highlight video: “Immediate Music” by The Revengers

Potential Berman nicknames: Amari “Don’t Call Me Gary” Cooper

Random shit that shows up in his Google Image Search: Mickey!

Nicest comparisons: Randy Moss

Most murderous comparison: Marvin Harrison

But is he gritty comparison: Jordy Nelson

What all of these comparisons are trying to say: He’ll probably catch a lot of touchdowns.

Strengths: Catching footballs whilst running

Weaknesses: Not 6’4″

Red flags: Nope

Which makes him: Highly draftable

Where he’ll go: Oakland

But he didn’t run a sub-4.4 40: Oh, you’re right. They’ll take Kevin White. Amari falls to the Rams.

What scouts are saying: Decent speed, decent size, excellent athleticism and route running. But only decent speed!

What Nolan Nawrocki is (probably) saying: You know, they don’t have Nawrocki writing up the draft profiles anymore, and now none of them even talk about whether these guys have children out of wedlock. What gives, NFL?

Impact: WR1 for the next 10 years.