Like most people my first thought was that maybe the Patriots balls got deflated because Aaron Hernandez shot them all.
But no Im afraid it goes much deeper then that.
Bill Belichick is a psychopath- hes worse then Osama Bin Laden, BTK and Jerry Sandusky put togheter. I bet hes got a freezer in his house that is literaly filled with half-inflated footballs. We just as a society completely forgave Penn State for the Jerry Sandusky series of missunderstandings, are we really prepared to go through that exact thing again? When you think about it the only diffrence between this Patriot scandale and Penn State is the letter “H” since Belichick prefers it when theres not enough Air on the balls.
At first I coudnt believe it- how could a organization that has defyed the odds so completely by being the best team in the league for 15 years even though they didnt have alot of talent at WR most of the time continue to win games even as there star player got old be caught cheating? It didnt add up. The fact is that removing all the oxygen out of the Duke is something that is more likely to come from a Serbian then a Belicheck. You know who else used sports equipment to take all the air out? Chris Benoit.
And folks isnt it just ironic that the team who benefited the most from the Tuck Rule is now being punished for a pump fake?
The NFL has a remarkable trackrecord of handling scandals with grace and tact but I realy think they dropped the ball on this one. BIG red flag for me is the fact that the refs hastily measured the balls at halftime when all medical science tells us that the best time to check your balls is right after a hot shower, so expert witness’s will testify that they should of waited until after the game.
But does this go deeper then the NFL? Yes it absoluteley does. We had the State of the Union last night and suprise suprise Obama was to busy taking the air out of the room to even mention Belicheck taking it out of a football. Is anyone truly shocked that a man whose religion wont let him within a metric mile of a bacon bit wouldnt even touch the subject of pigskins? Im not a sciencist but it seems to me that if youve got people inflating balls inside a heated room and then letting that air escape outdoors- your artificailly raising the temperature of a entire city a little bit at a time. Could Obama be gaming the numbers on this to advance his Global Warming agenda? Between this and all the hot takes that are coming from this scandal, I could very easly see another couple million polar bears dieing this summer and allthough Rex Ryan would be perfectly happy to literally screw over Belichick by footing the Bill, I wont stand for another tax hike.
As reader Patrick points out the only soluton is to put body cameras on all the ball boys, but in order to do that you need to go through the ultra powerfull ballboys union and I just dont think the votes are there.
Just because Obama found the on subject he wont give a speech about, that didnt stop his number 2 from talking shit. Yes, Joe Biden took some time out of his very busy schedule of inventing a baseball mitt that you can fill with Jameson to smuggle into a Nationals game to give his opinion:
“Having been a receiver, I like a softer ball,” Biden said. “That’s all I can tell you.”
Well heres my take- they shoud invent a double penny and put Bidens face on it because this guys allways forcing his two cents on America when they dont want it.
To be honest Im shocked it took this long to get the truth out. Claiming that the Patriots took away all the oxygen would of been a perfect excuse for Donovan McNabb choking away a superbowl, but that didnt stop another old timer from weighing in:
Brad Johnson- a man whose name literaly means “penis lingiere,” told the Tampa Bay Times that he paid “some folks” to doctor the footballs before the Superbowl. Its a obvious doublestandard that when Brad Johnson does it thats totally fine, but when Eugene Robinson pays someone to rub down his balls the night before the Superbowl he gets arrested. Goes both ways.
Am I confident that they will be punished? No. The burden of proof is on the NFL, and the only evidents so far is the LACK of air. By my estimation there should be 11 pounds of it floating around Boston, and until they manage to track that down Im not entirely convinced they can proof anything. Its not like the Pats lost a bunch of clean air in Denali National park, I mean even a couple ounces of fresh oxygen in Wocester is going to stick out like a sore thumb- no offense to Brett Farve. The bright side is the Pats should have plenty of video evidence for the leage to comb through if the ballboys were standing on the Colts sidelines. I mean we impeached Clinton for getting blown illegaly the least we could do is to have Belicheck arrested. Destroying are national game can and should be considered terrorism and wouldnt it just be ironic to aprehend and execute Bill Belichick because of a Patriot act that went too far.