Boaty McBoatface Gets A Real Name And The Internet Dissolves Into Angry Tears

Hey there, dreamers. Did your parents raise you to believe that you could make an impact upon the world? That one day you could rise up and join together with a group of like-minded people to make a difference? That a revolution would begin, and existing institutions would crumble in the face of your combined power? Well, you can forget about that right now. All that is good will inevitably be destroyed, as those who know “better” than you shall inevitably override the will of the people. Your opinions do not matter. Go home, son.

This above scenario illustrates what went down across the pond, for some harsh truth came down like Thor’s hammer on Friday morning. Great Britain’s Natural Environment Research Council (NERC) assumed the risk of relying upon popular opinion and a spiffy polar research vessel underwent a rigorous naming process, which saw the internet decide almost unanimously that Boaty McBoatface should be the moniker by which magnificence glides through the water. Folks were truly pumped to see this revolutionary vessel take a name that would reflect optimism.

And the name made people happy. You can’t hear “Boaty McBoatface” without feeling a jolt of untarnished wonder, akin to watching a Mr. Bean movie. Well, NERC threw down an unholy verdict upon their subjects. They decided to go the conventional route and christen the boat after someone dignified. The RRS Sir David Attenborough, named for the renowned naturalist, will sail the polar seas.

Now, there’s a consolation prize. The vessel’s undersea vehicle that gathers samples will be called Boaty McBoatface instead. No.

James Hand, who initially suggested the name as a joke, is taking the news well. He fully supports this move and is pleased the Boaty name will live on.

However, the internet does not agree. People are waking up to the realization that their votes do not matter. NERC ripped the still-beating heart out of democracy, and it’s not going well.

Watch out, NERC. The internet is so angry they may build their own Boaty McBoatface and smash it to pieces.

(Via BBC)