Can Someone Please Explain What The Hell Is Going On In This Local Mall Commercial?

Even as a connoisseur of crappy local television commercials, I still feel so awful for the poor mall employees who were coerced into participating in this “singing” commercial for the East Hills Mall in St Joseph, MO — which is thankfully no where near Ferguson, because one tragedy is enough for that area of the country. While some of these people seem destined for early rejection at the Kansas City auditions for American Idol, others — like the “get yourself an outfit” lady — are clearly not having it. I am just so sorry that this happened to you, “get yourself an outfit” lady. Just show me on the doll where the horrendous mall commercial touched you.

“Boots and pants and boots and pants!” #NEVERFORGET