Police In Ohio Are Looking For This ‘Bowel Movement Bandit’ After A Series Of Car Poopings

There is almost nothing worse than finding a splotch of bird poop on your windshield the day after you washed and waxed your car… almost nothing worse. Police in Akron, Ohio are on the lookout for a man who has allegedly been pooping on cars in the early morning hours, at least 19 cars over the course of the last three years, to be specific. Though, some of the victims have woken up to these unfortunate surprises multiple times.

In an effort to do their part, the local media has labeled the man “The Bowel Movement Bandit,” and they’ve circulated a picture of the suspect taken by a camera that was mounted by one of the victims.

According to the report from NewsNet 5 Cleveland, police don’t think there’s any connection between the bandit and the victims, though I’d argue that they all share a hell of a bond now. It seems that residents are helpless to avoid the wrath of the bandit, though I’d suggest maybe laying down some newspaper or leaving a note asking the bandit to please sh*t elsewhere. In this fast-moving digital world, people forget about the impact that politeness can have, even when dealing with a guy who is dropping rage deuces on car hoods at daybreak.

(Source: NewsNet 5 Cleveland)