Cards Against Humanity Is Hiring A New CEO, However Only One Select Candidate Meets The Criteria

News & Culture Writer

Cards Against Humanity, the popular “party game for horrible people,” appears to be doing some corporate restructuring, which is fairly normal for a large and growing company. What is not normal is that the company has taken to Craigslist to seek out a new CEO. The job listing, posted to the Chicago Craigslist two days ago, states that the company has gone through some recent missteps, such as wasting “an enormous amount of time and 
energy trying to get Hillary Clinton elected President” (which obviously did not work out well for them), as well digging a big hole in the ground on Black Friday just to see if it would be funny.

Now, the company writes, they’re seeking “real adult leadership,” with an oddly specific list of job requirements.

– Strong public speaking skills
– Steady disposition, remains cool under pressure
– Willing to inherit the consequences of eight years of irresponsible spending
– Excellent negotiator able to deal with stubborn opposition
– Experience hunting terrorist masterminds
– Minimum eight years experience President of the United States of America or equivalent nation
– Strongly prefer the first black editor of Harvard Law Review
– Must currently hold a national approval rating of 57.2% or higher
– Passed comprehensive healthcare reform
– Natural born citizen of the United States
– Proficient in Microsoft Word, Excel, and PowerPoint

The ideal candidate will be excited to travel for work and be a recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize.

Women and minorities are strongly encouraged to apply.

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