Hey, it’s time for the Big Game! Exciting! Parties, snacks, and football! But what about all the small things that go into making the Big Game the Big Game? Here are 13 charts and maps to help explain exactly what the Super Bowl is.
Super Bowls By Decade
The Super Bowl is a game that’s played every year at the end of the NFL season.
Super Bowl History
Over the years, the Super Bowl has been played across several eras of history in the United States and in several different locations.
States With Teams In The Super Bowl
The Super Bowl is a game played between two teams from the NFL. This year, those teams are the Seattle Seahawks, from Seattle, Washington, and the New England Patriots, from Foxboro, Massachusetts (Foxboro is a suburb of Boston). But the Super Bowl is held at a neutral site every year. This year, it’s in Phoenix, Arizona, home to the Arizona Cardinals, cacti, and the outcast dregs of Florida and California.
Who Is The Country Rooting For
Fans in Washington state are mostly rooting for the Seahawks. Fans in Massachusetts are mostly rooting for the Patriots. The rest of the country would rather see ISIS win a Super Bowl than be subjected to a trophy ceremony honoring either of the teams.
Most Super Bowl Wins
Many teams in the NFL have won Super Bowls while a handful, including the Dallas Cowboys, the Pittsburgh Steelers, the San Francisco 49ers, and the Buffalo Bills have won multiple Super Bowls.
[CORRECTION: It has come to our attention that the Buffalo Bills have not, actually, ever won a Super Bowl. In fact, it seems they’re rather infamous for losing four straight Super Bowls. Vox had sourced the previous information from our drunk uncle Frank and we failed to fact check that against Wikipedia or Google or an almanac. Vox regrets the error.]
Sizing Up The Icons
Each team has its own icon. But how do they stack up in stature compared to the average-sized Joe? Here are, to scale, an average American male, Seattle’s Space Needle tower, and the Patriots’ number one fan, Tommy from Quiznee.
Spread Of “Hatetriots” Through The Years
The number of people who hate the New England Patriots has grown over the last 30 years from the team’s first Super Bowl appearance – when they were manhandled by the Bears in Super Bowl XX – til the Brady/Belichick Era. Those people are called “Hatetriots” by us because it’s cutesy and catchy and that’s what you want, you animals, you savages sucking up more more more MORE. Anyway, after the Patriots upset the Rams in the post-9/11 Super Bowl and saved the country’s soul, people started to hate them because people are fickle assholes.
Countries In The World That Give a Fuck What Ballghazi Is Or What Marshawn Lynch Did
In America, people really care about stupid shit like “Ballghazi” or “What Marshawn Lynch Did” or “Distilling complex thoughts into a handful of Gifs and charts.” The rest of the world cares more about “Poverty” and “Finding Food,” apparently.
Super Bowl Weather
Last year’s Super Bowl made news because it was held outside in New York during winter, a change of pace from the usual warm, outdoor and domes like in Indianapolis, New Orleans, or Miami. This year, the game is Phoenix, far away from the frozen hellmouth that has developed around Des Moines, Iowa. There are no NFL teams near Des Moines, Iowa. This GIF has no point, it just looks pretty. Though it may mark where the body of the ball boy responsible for Ballghazi was buried.
The Four Types Of Field Turf The Super Bowl Has Been Played On
The Super Bowl is played on a football field. This field, depending on the stadium, may be made up of a variety of turfs. In the old days, it used to be grass everywhere. Then, in the 70s, which were horrible, Astroturf was installed everywhere. Eventually, society got smarter and now there’s specialized field turf that’s said to be better for athletes than grass. There’s also Jacksonville. No one enjoyed the Super Bowl played in Jacksonville. The NFL will deny it happened.
Patriots To Puppies Ratio
As we’ve seen above, people do not like the Patriots. But people do love puppies. That can be seen in the number of Patriots titles in the last 10 years compared to the number of Super Bowl commercials featuring puppies.
Map Of Bill Belichick’s Homeland
Bill Belichick is the head coach of the New England Patriots. He is a hellbeast troll spawned from the fires of hell below Mt. Pike in Narnia. It is rumored he was raised by a minotaur until he escaped Narnia through a portal found somewhere near the Frozen Waterfall, but such information has been closely guarded by Belichick over the years.